Should I really be proud that my whole life ‘shows‘ in my face? I mean that’s what ‘Lauren Bacall’ writes in her quote
I think your whole life shows in your face and you should be proud of that. ~ Lauren Bacall
But I’m not so sure I feel that way. I guess that’s why I chose to reflect upon this quote today, maybe I need to think about how I feel about ‘my face‘? And does it just stop at my face? Or is it that my whole life also tells in ‘my body‘ too? Do I love my face, my body? Do I love the story it tells? Do I even want to think about this?
I am having one of those ‘not so beautiful days‘. Do you have those days? I have them every now and then, thankfully I have the ‘I’m happy with myself days‘ more often than the negative, self defeating days. Just one more thing to write in my gratitude diary (check out this if you don’t know what I’m referring to).
But yes, today I looked in the mirror and didn’t really like what I saw. I mean I like me, (finally after years of learning to like myself), but today I’m not sure I like my face. Maybe I just don’t suit the wacky hairdo my daughter did for me this morning when she was pretending to own a hair salon and insisted on doing my hair for the day, (gotta love school holidays). Yesterday I liked my face, my hair, I was even happy with my body, yet today I’m not so sure I do.
Do I need to put on make-up, nice clothes and do my hair nicely in order to feel good about myself? The answer is some days I do, and the truth about that is that I resent feeling that way. Some days I don’t want to wear make-up, I want to get out of my shower and just be natural and feel beautiful in my own skin. And some days I can. So what is it that makes me ‘love’ the natural me some days and not want to look at myself in the mirror other days?
My life does show on my face, it shows that I am 38 years old, I have some smile lines and laugh lines and some frustration lines. I have lived 38 years and I have cried my eyes out, gotten mad, hated myself, and I have laughed hard, and smiled wide and loved myself, and I am happy with the life I have lived and who I am now. But I still would rather have less wrinkles. Maybe I’m just vain? To be honest though I don’t have a lot of wrinkles, but when I look at my skin compared to a picture of myself aged 20 I do prefer my skin back then.
The interesting thing though is that I don’t prefer my life back then, I don’t want to be that insecure girl again, yes her skin is sensational, but I like my 38 year old self better. At 20 I severely lacked self esteem and confidence, I was really judgemental of myself and the mistakes I had made. I had just come out of a terrible relationship and was in a new one with a great guy who I just couldn’t be myself around because I didn’t like myself.
So thinking about it, I guess if I have to have wrinkles to be who I am today then I will accept them, but does that mean I have to love them? I appreciate them for what they mean, I am grateful for the life my face and I have lived, for the lessons learned and all the smiles I’ve had. If I had a choice to change my path, to not have faced the ups and downs of life and that would give me a perfect face I wouldn’t do it. I would happily choose this face looking back at me to be where I am today, and have lived this life I have lived. I guess wanting my 20 year old face with my 38 year old life is too much to ask for? I can’t be greedy.
I realise I have totally blabbed on here, I don’t even know if this posts makes any sense, I’m just typing away at random. You know when you just open your mouth and speak any random thought that comes to mind without using a filter? Well that’s what this post feels like. So I apologize. But I must say, this has been good for me as I now feel a lot happier about the way I look than when I started this post, so yeh I feel good about that. I guess blogging is therapeutic.
Thanks for joining me (and putting up with my random chatter), love Mackenzie xx
What about you, do you love your face? Are you proud of the story your face tells? Do you agree with the Lauren Bacall quote? Leave me a note in the comments, or drop by facebook, twitter or instagram and say hi.
Want to link up with Friday Reflections? Here are this weeks prompts.
10 July 2015
- Write about 10 things you are grateful for this week.
- Write a book review.
- Look through your photographs and choose one to write about.
- Reflect on the following quote: I think your whole life shows in your face and you should be proud of that. ~ Lauren Bacall
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13 comments
I think it’s okay for you to think about your looks. While we are definitely fed unrealistic expectations of how we “should” look, we are also fed the idea that we should feel shame over our vanity if we care how we look.
I woke up today and when I looked in the mirror I felt shame over how I looked. My curly hair looked like I’d stuck my finger in a light socket and my face was scarred up from my obsessive compulsive disorder I have that causes me to pick at it. Then I blew my hair out straight and put my makeup on, and I feel 100 times better. I feel beautiful and confident. To me, my looks matter.
Thank you for your rambling mess of a post that was so authentic and real and let us into your heart. 🙂
-Tara
FridayReflections
Thanks Tara that comment means a lot! Made me feel 100% better xo
Haha I so hear you I couldn’t even go there with that prompt as I was having one of those days. Blotchy skin, eczema on my face, fuzzy hair with whites coming through with a vengeance… we all have them its just some of us beat ourselves up more for them. I know what you mean by not wanting to need to put makeup on to feel beautiful, but after months of working from home and feeling progressively like crap, I made the decision about a month ago that I need to do myself a favour and help myself to feel good by donning some mascara and perhaps some lippy… Its so complicated being a woman!
So complicated but we are still awesome us women!
Oh yes, my life showing on my face… Totally agree with you — sometimes that is good, and sometimes it doesn’t feel so great! 🙂 I really don’t like myself in pictures these days (I think all 10 pounds I want to lose are in my face!). I realized how unhealthy that attitude is when my daughter was so excited about a picture of all of us taken at her graduation last year, and my first comment was about how bad I looked. Her face fell, and I realized, she loved THAT face in the photo, and I was criticizing it. What in the world kind of message was I sending to my young adult daughter?! As for the makeup, I’ve just never been good at the totally natural thing, and I am SO much more productive if I’m “dressed” — showered, makeup, hair. Even if I am staying home in my jazz pants and sweatshirt right by myself all day!
Thanks for hosting; I’m excited to participate for the first time! Tried to comment yesterday from my ipad, but the comment was lost, btw, so I’m back on the near-death computer. 😉
Wendy I am so glad you joined us, I had to share your post on Friday Reflections Facebook group as I just loved it. Hope your computer recovers soon! Thanks for your comment too xo
I loved this post Mackenzie! You described a younger version of me. Everything you have said I have experienced and yes at the moment I’m going through a phase of wanting to change my look but not sure to what. Makeup definitely makes me feel better although I don’t wear it at home but even some mascara and lipgloss can do wonders. Just remember I have 20 more years on you so more years of life’s experiences showing on my face. Have a lovely weekend and you are gorgeous!
Thanks for that honey, means a lot!
I am a little later today, my dears. But I made it.
I postponed my wrinkles for as long as I could, but so far they are not bothering me. I may not have done all I wished, I may not own all I want, but I am proud of the life I have. There are things I could have done better, but I am 100% sure I did my best with the knowledge I had back then. It brings peace to the heart.
Thank you so so much for the opportunity.
Glad you made it beautiful lady, your post was amazing xo
I was nodding my head as I read this Mac. Let me tell you, it isn’t much different when you are 62. I still have ‘bad face’ days, when I just am not satisfied with little details. Then I remember that life isn’t about the little details, but about the big picture. And wherever we all are, it’s all ok.
Loved this post, even the verbal lashing you gave yourself. 🙂 xo
Thanks honey, yes we all have days where the little things get to us, but you are right it’s the big picture that matters xo
We all have days when we don’t feel that beautiful or don’t even like our own faces. I used to have a lot of those days back in my mid 20s. Add to them a whole lot of zits and you have a perfect excuse to not step out and face the world. Thankfully, after my kid was born, my face decided to undergo a change as well. I experience lesser zits now and I love the texture of my skin. I realize the importance of staying hydrated and it even motivates me to look at myself in a new light. So I guess, even though I had youth in my 20s I still prefer my current face any day. It goes to show how much I have endured in life, if I may say that 😛 Thanks for sharing this beautiful post, Mac. xoxo
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