Is it always best to tell the truth?
Really think about it. I mean I guess our natural instinct should be to answer “yes”, shouldn’t it? But is it?
The thing about the truth is that it is a powerful tool, a healer, and also a weapon. It can set you free, but it can also get you, or someone you know into a lot of trouble. If you have ever told a lie, and not a little white lie, but an actual lie then you will know that it can eat you alive. Lies have a way of building too. You tell a lie, but when it is questioned you tell another lie to protect that original lie, it grows, it develops into something bigger than you are able to control, and suddenly the truth becomes even harder to tell. It traps you, it fills your veins, it consumes who you are. Living with lies will without a doubt cause you stress and pain, lies have the ability to turn you into someone you don’t want to be.
So again the answer should be “yes”, you should always tell the truth. Right? It is what I tell my children. I tell them to always tell me the truth, even if they are scared that they will get into trouble, or someone will get hurt, they should always tell me the truth.
It really is a tricky question though. In a black and white world the answer should be that you always tell the truth, but the world isn’t black and white, it is not even grey, it is a whole spectrum of colours that affect and influence our decision on whether or not we tell the truth. Think about it, have you already told a lie today? If you kept a record for a week, or a month, how many lies would you have told? Some lies become so routine that we begin to believe we are not even lying. Some lies just come so natural to us over time that we no longer recognise them as a lie.
I lie, I do. They are what I would call white lies, a lie to spare someone’s feelings, or a lie that won’t have serious consequences if found out, but still they are lies. I have even encouraged my children to tell a white lie. I have told them that if someone gives them a gift and they don’t like it and they are asked by the giver if they like it then they should say ‘yes’. Does this make me a bad mother? Or is it just a way of teaching them manners and social etiquette?
But when does a white lie become a serious lie? If a white lie is defined as ‘sparing someone’s feelings’, then couldn’t you hide an affair because that is sparing someones feelings? Would it be better to tell a friend if you knew their partner was cheating on them because it is the truth, or would it be better to keep it from them because it would hurt them? What if the affair was over and the couple was happy now, would it be better to keep the lie then? Like I said it really is not back and white, life just isn’t so simple, decisions are not always easy to make.
I went through a very serious and awful experience at a young age, and I kept it to myself, I didn’t tell family or friends the truth about what I had been through because I thought the truth was ugly and it would hurt people I cared about. Sometimes we keep the truth hidden because we believe it is the right thing, maybe sometimes it is, I don’t know. But for me it was wrong. It caused me serious nightmares, pain and self loathing. It affected my life everyday, telling a lie everyday, saying I was OK was a lie. I was far from OK. It took me 3 years of silent suffering and cost me a lot personally before I told the truth. But the truth was my key to healing, and also to the healing of the people who loved me who had known I was in pain (even though I tried to hide it). Once the truth was out there it wasn’t so ugly anymore, it was the freedom that I needed, the opportunity for me to heal. Telling the truth was scary, but it was the best thing I ever did.
That moment for me changed the course of my life, and many others as well. I learnt a valuable life lesson, the truth is the only option for me. I cannot judge what others do, I truly believe we cannot understand why people take the path they do unless we have walked in their shoes. But I know for me I need to be honest, my soul can never be at peace if I am not living authentically. I have to tell the truth and I have to live my truth.
I encourage my children to live their truth, to be honest and to be themselves. Yes I have encouraged them to tell white lies, and maybe I shouldn’t? But I will always teach them to tell their truth and to make their decisions with a clear conscience. To listen to their hearts when making a choice and to make sure that the decision they make feels good to them, and fits with who they are.
That is what I believe we all need to do, when it comes to telling lies or telling the truth we all need to decide what we can live with and what feels authentic to who we are.
The truth is powerful, and at times you need to decide what you want to do with that power, and then the real challenge is you have to find a way live with that decision.
This post was written as part of a Friday Reflection prompt: “The truth.” Dumbledore sighed. “It is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution.”— J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone).
What do you believe?
Thank you for joining me, love Mackenzie xx
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20 comments
Very thought provoking – frightening how quickly white lies emerge too.
An interesting and tricky question and I think yes, it should be treated with caution. I would say that as a general rule I think telling the truth is always better but when it can do damage i’d be more inclined not to lie but just not to give the full picture #binkylinky
The bible says “speak the truth in love” and I think that it comes down to motivation and execution – why are you saying it and how are you saying it? Sometimes people use the truth to hurt others and sometimes lying does too – this is where wisdom and grace come into play.
I agree with you about telling the truth with caution. Discretion is the better part of valour and only a fool would tell the truth without a care about the consequences. There is a story which we were all brought up on which illustrates this point. One day a staunch animal lover who was known to be upright and an upholder of the truth was asked by a person who wanted to kill a cow who asked if he had seen which direction the cow ran in. Now the man was really on the horns of a dilemma – should he tell the truth and let the cow be killed or should he lie and let the cow live? In this case it was easier for him to live with the lie and he preferred not to tell the truth.
Great post. I wonder how many white lies abound on a daily basis. Protecting our children, relatives, friends…Sounds as though your lie was too painful and hurtful. I am sorry you had to hold that for so long. #FabFridayPost
thank you Lisa x
Really intersting post thanks for linking to the Binkylinky
The truth will set you free as they say, but it does come with a price however big or small. Great post. Thank you so much for linking up with me on #FabFridayPost
It’s a tough one isn’t it? I’m mostly honest and aim to be authentic but I realised that even my response to the simplest question “How are you” by a colleague is responded to with a lie most days. I’ll say good or fine but really, I’m not! As you said though, where do you draw the line? Do you just not say anything if you want to spare someone’s feelings? Or do you lie? Unless we know everything about a situation we can’t comment on whether to be truthful or to lie. I love what you said about living your truth.
oooh.. good question! I’m a terrible liar, I can’t do it and sometimes thats a good thing and sometimes it really isn’t! I think truth will out, always, and based on that I just tell the truth, rightly or wrongly! White lies are slightly different, the general ones as Sanch says above like “how are you?” those are fine.. but anything bigger than that, is it still even classed as white lie? when do you know you’ve crossed the path from white lie to just lie? hmm, something to ponder. thanks! #stayclassymama
Tricky one. I think that motivation makes a big difference in the things that we say, but until they are able to comprehend the difference, children should be taught to tell the truth…most of the time. #stayclassy
This such a beautiful post because of how raw and honest you write – and funnily enough it’s in the subject of honesty. I think this is one of my favourite posts from you. I’m so sorry that you had something so terrible happen to you that you felt you had to keep it a secret for so long, that must have been really difficult. But you seem like a stronger person for it. This subject is really tough because we probably should be telling the truth all the time but, like you said, you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I think white lies are okay, even in the scenario where the couple is happy but you know one of them was having an affair – albeit this is a controversial one. Sometimes it’s better to just leave it if everyone is happy? At the same time, I am an advocate for the truth because who are you unless you are being the “true” you? Thanks for the thought-provoking post and sharing with #StayClassyMama!
Thank you so much for this comment, it means a lot to me. I love how you say who are we unless we are the true us!
I was thinking about this yesterday. A quiz asked what was the last lie I had told – and I realised how much I lie. Not big lies, but little lies – to make my life easier, to spare someones feelings ,to stop the kids from shouting at each other…but I do believe in honesty on a larger scale. Telling the truth about who you are and what you’re experiencing. THought provoking post #stayclassy
Thank you, yes it is easy to get into a habbit of not talking about what we are going through, but we really should.
Such a difficult subject and thought provoking post. My instinct is to say that I don’t lie as I’m a terrible lier, but of course I do – those little white lies that we say all the time to save someone’s feelings, to be polite, or just out of habit (‘How are you?’ ‘Oh, I’m fine’)
I guess that it comes down to – are we lying to protect other’s feelings but causing damage to ourselves in the process – I love your line about being authentic to ourselves. I hope I can remember that to share with my children in the future.
Thanks so much for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove! I really hope you’ll be back again next week
This is really well written, and is really thought provoking. Again, I try and be a truthful person, but I also try and not hurt peoples feelings unneccessarily so I know that I do tell many a white lie in the name of being nice to people.
Its interesting reading the comments above and seeing just how many quotes there are that can be applied to lies and truth – I like ‘Speak Truth in Love’, but also ‘The truth will set you free’ – which seems to be apt in your case – I hope that you feel better now things are in the open xx
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This really got me thinking. I do tell white lies, I don’t think there is anyone that doesn’t. But they are ones to protect people, to not hurt their feelings or to make life easier. But you are right the truth does also set you free. Thank you for joining us for #SharingtheBlogLove Laura x
A very interesting read! Very true about white lies – we do it to stop hurt feelings, but is it the right thing? Hmm. I shall ponder this the rest of the day! #SharingtheBlogLove
thanks so much for your comment!
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