The Latte Years

Hi Philippa is is so lovely to meet you, thank you for taking the time for this interview.

My pleasure! Thank you for having me. 

How surreal does it feel to know you are a published author?

Surreal is definitely the word I’d used to describe the whole experience. And yet it’s something I’ve wanted to accomplish since I was a child so because I’ve been working towards it for so long it also feels very natural, because I know this is what I was meant to be doing with my life. Does that make sense?! 

It makes complete sense to me, I feel that way about writing. Many of your friends have posted photographs of your book on social media from Tasmania, Melbourne and even in New York, how excited does that make you?

Thrilled beyond words. I’m so happy that my book is out in the world, out ‘in the wild’ as my publisher put it (!), and reaching lots of different people, which is exactly what I wanted it to do. 

There are many bloggers who read my posts, what advice would you give to them and I to make our blogs successful?

It’s funny, I never really had a strategy for ‘growing’ my blog readership or making it a commercial success. Oddly enough, the moment I tried to impose a strategy on it was when the fun went out of it for me. So that would probably be my best advice – make sure you’re having fun! If you’re enjoying keeping the blog going, then people will enjoy reading it.  If your heart isn’t in it, people will pick up on that. Be real, be authentic, be yourself and have fun. That way your blog will automatically be a ‘success’ and anything else will be a bonus.

Do you have a blogging schedule, or do you write when the mood takes?

When the mood takes and if I have something to say that I think people would like to hear.

When writing a novel do you recommend keeping up with blogging, or taking time off to devote to your book only?

It depends on the rest of your schedule really, and your priorities. For me, writing my book had to fit around the non-negotiables of my life, including a full time job. The deadline was very tight so I ended up following a very similar regime to when I was training for the London marathon in 2011 with only 12 weeks notice! Up at 6am to write before work, writing in evenings and weekends. I had to devote all the spare time I had to the book which meant all other writing, including blogging, had to take a bit of a backseat. 

How did you deal with rejection from publishers along the way?

The rejections I got from agents while I was trying to shop the first incarnation of The Latte Years around in about 2012-13 were always very kind and encouraging, but the reasons they gave for not wanting to take it further were ones I agreed with – it wasn’t ready. I think it was my FOMO and feeling that I needed to be hustling and putting myself out there when my book wasn’t quite ready that kept me submitting. How I dealt with rejection was focusing on things that made me feel confident – like long distance running – and also by doing a bit of self reflection and realising that I had to stop pushing so hard, and that everything would unfold as it was meant to. I tried to stay centred, keep believing in myself but take advice when it was given to me. If anyone from the publishing industry – be they an agent, editor, publisher – takes the time to give you some feedback, take it on board. These people know what they’re talking about!

Where were you when you heard the fabulous news that your book was to be published?

I was in a meeting room waiting for an appointment, who was running about 45 minutes late, in the middle of London’s financial district. My agent emailed me saying it was official. I was both elated and terrified!! My husband and I celebrated with a bottle of Pol Roger champagne that night. It took a while to sink in!

In your book you talk about toxic friendships, what advice can you give my readers about ending relationships that are holding the back?

It’s so tricky when you’re in those kinds of situations that I describe in the book. I wasn’t even really aware of what was happening at the time, or I ignored the red flags, which I think was part of the whole problem. So first of all, don’t ignore the red flags. If your gut is telling you something isn’t right, then it probably isn’t. The second thing is, you’re allowed to stand up for yourself. If a friend is doing something you don’t like – whether it’s being a bit possessive or saying snide things that hurt your feelings – you’re allowed to tell them! The worst thing you can do is let things fester for fear of upsetting the other person.  The only way through is to be honest with people – that’s something I had to learn the hard way. If I’d just told people how their behaviour was hurting me, or how fed up I was with feeling so responsible for their feelings, instead of being distant and hoping they would get the hint (which they never did!) then a lot of heartache could have been avoided.

The ending of a marriage, or any longterm relationship is very painful, what advice would you give your younger self going through such a painful experience?

Well, I kind of wrote The Latte Years as one big piece of advice to my younger self!  The ending of a marriage or a long term relationships is always very, very hard, even when you know it’s the right thing to do. The grieving process – because it is a loss – is different for everyone. My advice would be to go easy on yourself, use this time to nurture and nourish yourself and treat yourself well. Learn to love your own company and don’t go looking for comfort in all the wrong places! Don’t expect a cheering squad, because everyone will have an opinion about what’s happened to you and often the people you expect to be supportive won’t be, and vice versa. Surround yourself with positive and happy people. And finally, while it might feel like the end of the world right now, it really isn’t. It won’t hurt this much forever. Break ups are actually very character building, if you let them be. They’re a great opportunity to learn more about yourself. Life will go on and you will be happy again, probably sooner than you think. 

There was a point where you shut down your blog due to negative and quite frankly, thoughtless and cruel comments, how would you suggest bloggers deal with negative comments they receive on their own blogs?

I really wish I had dealt with that differently, so the advice I would give now is – firstly, nasty comments always say more about the person dishing them out than they do about you. I know that doesn’t stop them being hurtful, but it’s true. Delete, block, ignore, report the IP address for abuse if appropriate, and move on. It is, sadly, the only way. Secondly, you’ve got to keep believing in yourself. You have as much right as every other blogger to be out there, saying what you want to say. Your story matters, your voice matters. Believe that. Thirdly, and this was something that really helped me further down the track, for as long as there have been people expressing themselves, putting themselves out there and trying to make a difference, there have been naysayers and rotten fruit-throwers on the sidelines, jeering. This is, as Brene Brown wrote in Daring Greatly, the price you pay for being out in the arena, giving life a red hot go and being brave. What’s the alternative? Being on the sidelines? The reason people attack is because they wish they had the guts to be out in the arena, where you are, but they stay on the sidelines because it’s safer for them, for whatever reason. You’re a warrior. You’re out in the arena. Be proud of yourself. You deserve to be there. You deserve to be heard. Delete, block, and keep going. And also, if you know who the trolls are, call them out. Address them by name. They’ll be so scared they’ll never bother you again – that’s worked for me! 

You book is very honest, which I believe is a big part of what makes it such a great read and so inspirational, was it hard to share such a personal journey with the public?

Yes, it was. That’s the main reason I tried to write it as a novel in the very beginning, because it was all very raw and personal and I was afraid of putting so much of myself out there. But then I realised that the story simply didn’t work as fiction – the only way it would have the impact I wanted it to have would be if I was brave enough to write the truth.

It was incredibly hard work, physically and emotionally. I didn’t always like having to write so explicitly about myself and my life. I’ve had to own this story, every part of it, even the parts where I know I don’t come across well. That’s been very hard. But if I can help just one young woman from making the same mistakes I did, it will have been totally worth it.

Now we all know there is much more to happiness than loosing weight, but clearly you are looking fabulous, how do you keep yourself healthy these days?

Any final advice for aspiring authors?

Thank you so much for your time, I wish you continued success both personally and with your writing career.

And you, Mackenzie! Thank you for having me.