It’s funny, I am sure I have been given a lot of advice over the years by many people, parents, older siblings, teachers, friends, even by Oprah back in the day, yes I am old enough to have watched the Oprah show! Some advice was good, some advice was really bad and how I was naive enough to take it makes me wonder if I had lost a few brain cells at the time? In fact I think there may be several periods of time over my life where I lost brain cells. But on the whole I would like to think I was born with a fairly strong moral compass that has led me to make some great choices along the way.
When it comes to taking advice I have become fairly stubborn over the years. I guess I have learnt that putting my faith or trust in the wrong people can lead me to getting burnt. So I tend to listen to my gut more and more these days. I actually really enjoy being given advice. I am very interested in other peoples opinions and differing points of view. I also love to be challenged. So if I have a decision to make I love when people throw in their advice as it gives me more choices to weigh up. But the final decision is up to me (or when it comes to our family it’s up to hubby and me, hence why we have no 4th child, he won on that one).
I am definitely someone who has learnt to listen to my gut, and I am more likely to make a decision with my heart than my head as my hubby can attest to! He on the other hand is the more sensible one in our relationship. I find even when I am writing a blog I wonder what other people think about the subject I’m writing about, that’s why I love feedback so much, it helps confirm or challenge my thoughts.
This week one of the Friday Reflections prompts is “What is the best advice your parent/s or mentor ever gave you?” Which got me thinking about what a difficult question that actually is. I mean how do I pick on piece of advice out of my lifetime of advice? Strangely enough I decided to go ahead and share this little gem, because at the time it made a huge difference to my ability to cope as a new mum, and in general I find it continues to help on days where my old ways try to take me back into their grip!
When I had Adam, we lived in a small, but very cute picket fence style home, along with a 2 year old April and a 5 year old Aspen. None of my babies were what I would call easy, and Adam was not the one to break the mould. He liked to be held and rocked a lot! Which would have been fine if I didn’t have 2 other little humans depending on me for everything. On top of that I was obsessed with having a spotless house! I was working myself into a state day after day trying to be the perfect mum, house cleaner and of course wife!
I went to one of my routine health nurse visits for Adam to be weighed and checked and she asked me how I was coping. I suddenly felt like crying, I wasn’t even sure why. There I was with a perfect healthy baby, two amazing girls, great husband and yet I felt completely overwhelmed. I started telling her how I was finding it hard to get the beds made and all the house work done and she said to me.
“You are not going to remember in however many years from now which day it was that the beds didn’t get made, so if the beds don’t get made don’t worry about it”.
It is so simple, so obvious, and she’s right I don’t remember what days the beds didn’t get made, or what nights we ate baked beans for dinner, or what day I wore an unironed T-shirt, or if the breakfast dishes sat unwashed until after dinner. My kids needed cuddles more than they needed their bed made, my husband needed me to have a smile on my face more than he needed a gourmet meal. I needed a shower or a coffee more than I needed an ironed T-shirt. So what if an unexpected visitor drops by and there is toys on the floor or a pile of breakfast dishes on the sink. So what if a friend see’s me in my PJ’s at 2pm. My kids were hugged, loved, and played with, and I can feel good about that!
You just don’t get moments like this back. All in their PJ’s snuggling up.
It took a lot for me to let my perfectionist standards go, I beat myself up, felt like a failure, felt embarrassed and even ashamed at times. It has been a gradual process, I had to do a lot of soul searching. I know it is obvious, but it was hard for me to understand that people won’t judge me for having mess in my house, in fact it probably looked more bizarre when they walked into a house that had 3 kids under 5 and it was spotless! Life is meant to be messy, it means we are actually living a life worth living! I want to fill my home with light, laughter, love and mess, because I want my kids growing up and remembering that mum was fun, quirky and even a little nutty, I don’t want to be remembered as the mum that never allowed her children to play or express their personalities.
Oh don’t misunderstand me, I am not completely cured, I still cringe when I walk into my daughters room and see what can only be described as a sea of little toys all over her floor. And when I tuck them into bed at night and can barely find them under a pile of teddy bears, but I will still keep buying them these little toys that drive me crazy, and I will keep displaying the endless art work that comes home because this is my life, and I love it!
What about you? Are you are perfectionists? What’s the best advice you have ever received or even felt you have given someone else? Feel free to comment below, you know I LOVE comments. Or if you want join in our linky, prompts are below.
Thanks for joining me, love Mackenzie xx
Your writing prompts for 27 November 2015 are:
– Choose a number and write a gratitude list
– Reflect on the first time you stepped foot in another country
– What is the best advice your parent/s or mentor ever gave you?
– Reflect about or champion a cause close to your heart.
I wrote a post a couple of days ago about a cause very close to my heart, I would love for you to read it and share it on social media. Find the link HERE Eyes that will no longer be closed. Thank you.
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10 comments
What a lovely family Mackenzie! How could you even think of doing housework when you could be spending that time with these precious ones. It is funny but that is the advice I give all new mums – I don’t advise on anything else. My advice is simple – Superwoman doesn’t exist so don’t try to be her. Enjoy your lovely family and thank you for sharing your thoughts. #FridayReflections
that’s great advice Sue xx
Those pictures are just so cute 🙂 I think this is great advice. I’ve never been a perfectionist when it comes to keeping a tidy house. I like things to be clean, but I’m not much fussed about a mess. My mum hates it. She can’t stand coming to my house, so I just go to hers instead. Works for everyone! 🙂 #fridayrefelctions
maybe that’s what I should do, ban my mum lol
It’s a tricky balance having a tidy enough house that you aren’t stressed by the mess, but leaving enough undone so that you’re not stressed by the upkeep. Good on you for letting things go a little bit so you can be the mum your kids need.
Yup, life is messy for sure!
messy is awesome xx
I love this advice. Im not sure if anyone told me this but its something I realised after Den’s accident. Life’s too short for a perfect house and housework. There’s so many more important things to do like experiencing life and spending time with loved ones. We no longer get grumpy over housework and our old standards…although we are cringing at the chaos!
I don’t have kids of my own, but I understand where you are coming from. Back when the term was in its infancy, someone told me “Don’t sweat the small stuff.” I’m not sure what was going on my life at the time, but I was stressed over something. Later, during a stressful moment at work, a mentor of mine said, “A year from now, will it matter?” After a moment or two of contemplation, I answered, “No.” She then said, “Then don’t worry about it.” The advice from your nurse, “Don’t sweat the small stuff,” etc., are all about the same thing – focusing our attention and energy on the things that truly matter in this life. It’s timeless advice and very sound. I think we all need to hear this and be reminded of it from time to time to keep the trivial details of our frantic lives in the proper perspective.
Beautiful photos. I always tried to keep the bits people saw clean – living room and bathroom – and the kitchen so we didn’t get food posioning! The rest of the doors were firmly shut so people couldn’t see the mess.
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