Should I have had 3 children? Is 3 too many? People often ask me how life changes going from 2 children to 3, is it as hard as what people say? Is everyone with 3 kids really going a little crazy? Does having third child tip you over the edge to insanity?
To be quite honest yes I am a little insane, but then again I always was, so nothing much has changed there. Am I busier absolutely, am I struggling to find me time, of course, but am I happier than I ever thought possible? Most definitely I am, and I wouldn’t change being a mum of 3 for anything in this world.
I honestly think I found the transition from none to one the most difficult of all. Going from being a couple who did whatever we pleased, whenever we pleased to suddenly having this precious little baby who needed me 24/7 was a huge shock to the system. Having Aspen was the best, most miraculous thing that could have ever happened to me, but also the most life changing.
Then when Aspen was almost 3 we were blessed with another little girl and life got busier. I didn’t have as much time for Aspen and I found that really difficult. Luckily April was a fairly placid baby, but she still made a a massive impact. Aspen and I were used to our comfortable routine and April didn’t just slide into that. At 7pm it was time to settle Aspen and put her to bed, but April had other ideas, this was her screaming time! Then when Aspen and I would try to sleep in, April was an early riser. Life had changed for good.
Two and a half years later our little boy arrived and he also had a mind of his own. Endless hours of pacing the halls, yes he was taking up all my time. April found this particularly hard, at 2 and a half she still wanted to be the baby, but Adam was here to stay.
Life is busy with three kids, heck life is busy without any kids, but each one you add to the fold brings extra demands on your time and attention. I only have two hands, yet all three children want to hold my hand whilst crossing the road. I can only sit next to two children at the dinner table and yes you guessed it, all three want to sit next to mummy. Yes they have a dad they could sit next to, but we are still in the ‘mummy’ ‘mummy’ phase.
After school activities and weekend school parties with 3 kids are never ending, you feel like a taxi and you have to be a social queen. There are so many new mums to meet. When Adam started school this year I was nervous as I had to meet a whole new set of families for the third time.
Money also gets spread thiner, we can’t afford as much as we could if we had stopped at one. If only Santa really did supply Christmas presents. When Adam was born we also needed a bigger car, we had to fit extra car seats and a pram in! Now they are older we can all fit back in a normal sized car that doesn’t use so much fuel. Depending on if you are happy to have your children share a room you may also want a bigger house.
Another tricky thing we have found with having three kids is holidays. Most fancy hotels only cater for a family of four. I often see great holiday deals that say includes 2 adults and 2 kids, and even if I check with them they say ‘no’, they can’t fit in an extra child, it is really quite annoying. Even family passes to parks are usually for four.
Then I could mention the never ending, increasingly large pile of washing and ironing, the crazy amount of dirty dishes and the extra tidying up that needs doing around here. But none of that actually bothers me. If I am honest the hardest thing about deciding whether or not we should have a third child was the numbers game. With 2 children it meant they just had each other, their was no third sibling to interfere with their bonding. I spoke to a family friend who also had two girls like me, and she was from a family of three girls herself. Growing up she shared with me how at times her two sisters were close and she was left out, and at other times she was close with one or the other sister and the other sister felt left out. My daughters were already developing a strong bond and I was worried a third child would change all this. As a kid I always liked everything paired up nicely. I always said I would have four children, or even six and I always paired everything up. So to have three felt unnatural to me. I came from a family of four. 2 boys and 2 girls, nice and neat. So if I was going to try for a third I would need to have another one at some point. (Well I’m not going too).
So yes there are challenges, but there are also so many wonderful things that come with having 3 or more children that more than make up for anything I could moan or worry about.
My favourite is getting to know 3 completely different little people. Watching them grow and develop their own amazing personalities. They are all so different, and manage to surprise me and impress me every day. They have many similarities, but they are each their own unique little being. I love how creative Aspen is, she can amuse herself for hours and she draws so beautifully. She is really in touch with her emotions and will always be there for anyone if they need help or are upset. April is quirky with a dry and quick witted sense of humour. She is friends with everyone and super easy going. She is the type of child who works really hard at school, but also knows how to have loads of fun. Adam is so affectionate and cheeky, he is so well behaved when we are out, or when he’s at school that people compliment me on him all the time, but when he’s at home he is like a tornado, he is wild! He has a very caring heart and adores his big sisters.
Watching them together is what makes me happiest. All my worry about pairing them off perfectly was a waste of time. They are amazing together. They play so well together and share beautifully. When it comes to school holidays they amuse each other, play games together, draw together and it is fantastic. Yes they fight, yes there are times all three are tired and driving me crazy, but what’s life without a little chaos and crazy?
I am not going to lie, it is a huge change, and when they are sick there is an extra child to worry about, and financially it is harder. I can’t always give my children everything they may wish for, but I think that’s an important lesson for them anyway. When I was pregnant with Adam, both his life and mine were at risk, by a miracle we are both healthy and still here. I would love another baby, but the risk is not worth it. From previous blog posts you would know by now that having children wasn’t easy for me. I am so grateful to have 3 children. I feel truly blessed. If you are on the fence with should you have a third baby or not I would say go for it. I think that although some things get tougher, some things the third time around are easier too. After Adam I had to learn to stop being the perfect house cleaner and allow some mess into our lives, I had to learn that not everything goes to plan, or runs on schedule, and it actually is OK, the world keeps spinning if I don’t get a bed made!
So should I have had 3 children? Absolutely 100% YES!!!!!!!
Love to hear your thoughts, how many children do you have, did you have as many as you thought you would? Did you decide to have no children? Are you considering having more?
Thanks for joining me, love Mackenzie xx
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20 comments
We have one daughter. It would have been nice to have more, but circumstances meant we didn’t. Three?! I can’t imagine! #mummy&us
we have two girls 5 and 4. I really want another, my husband isn’t so sure. I’m worried the age gap is too big now but I can’t imagine not having another baby. I’ll be changing job at some point in the next year so maybe once I’m settled in a new job………….
#TwinklyTuesday
So good to read this. I always planned on having only two children, and then I was blessed with twin boys on my first go. But now that they are almost 2, I miss the feeling of having a baby in the house and yearn for the idea of having a little girl.
But financially, im so scared that if we have another child, i’l be talking away from my boys.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this.
I’ve always liked the idea of having three children (I just have the one at the moment) but in reality, I think we may stop at two. But I’ll never say never.
This was a really interesting read – I’m glad you feel you made the right decision. They always say, you never regret having another.
#TwinklyTuesdays
I think the biggest shock is from no children to one. It is a 100% change to life. Subsequent children do add to the challenges but your life is already childified anyway. (New word there). I think it is a personal choice. I know that I am happy with two and am loving the fact that my boys are growing up and we have more freedom. however I know that if I had of had 3 children I would not want it any different either. Kirsten
This is so sweet! I’m one of three kids and I always LOVED having two siblings. I think my hubby and I want three (Lord willing) some day. Thanks for sharing!
My mummy found the transition from none to one very hard! Different strokes for different folks. Just as long as you are happy that’s all that matters! #TwinklyTuesday x
I have 2 a boy and a girl. Although my husband want another one, but it’s me who refuses one as I think I would struggle to cope with a third one. But to be honest, I got jealous with big families, I can imagine the fun they have. #mummy&us
I found you via #TwinkyTuesday. I love this post. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts and experiences. I feel like this whole post is a dialogue I am having in my head. We have two little boys (1 & 3) and I’m thinking more and more about having a third. I just did not feel done during my last pregnancy… anyway, it feels as if this was written just for me. So glad I found you.
This is fascinating! I was always adherent that I wanted 2 kids and no more. My husband is from a big family and was keen to have 3 kids. We had a 3 year old daughter when I fell pregnant. We then found that we were having identical twins. It was a big jump from one child to three but I agree that it was more of a shock to go from no kids to one. I always find people’s thought process about going from one to three children so interesting as it was never a thought process that we went through. There are some amazing things about having 3 kids, I feel we are lucky to get to find that out.
Your son sounds just like mine. Charming and naughty on the flip of a coin. I wanted more children but I also knew I had to find the right man first. Unfortunately I didn’t meet him until my mid 30’s and then we ended up going through IVF for Harry. I wouldn’t put myself through that again despite my ovaries exploding every time I see a newborn. I hope I don’t regret it. I take heart from the fact I have a truly magnificent son and I am thankful for what I have #mummy&us
I have one child but would love more. My husband and I are both the eldest of 3 so I’m very tempted. Will it happen or not time will tell. #mummy&us
My husband and I have one daughter, and she’s going to be our one and only 🙂 Many people tell me that I should have another child. They go on to list the many reasons why. It bothers me because sometimes I feel like I’m being criticized. Whether you have one child, three, six, or 10, there are benefits and challenges that exist. Having kids is a HUGE deal! We are talking about creating life! So it’s important that we follow what’s in our hearts, just like you did. 🙂 Your children sound absolutely lovely, Mac! You are truly blessed! xx #mummy&jus
I have three sons and I am so glad that the third came along. Things didn’t feel complete for me with just two. There is a four year age gap between the middle child and the youngest, but it hasn’t been a problem.
Yes, things are very busy and there is a lot of housework, but with two there was a lot of housework too. I totally agree with you that the change from none to one is the biggest.
#twinklytuesday
I bet it is a real juggling act but wonderful, we chose to stop at 2 and am so happy with our choice but one of my best friends is due baby no 4 any minute and I just know she will be a natural x
I have three! My youngest is one and I have to say adjusting to having three was a shock to the system, burnt wouldn’t change it. Apart from the amount of washing maybe. I might just have to start dressing everyone in bin bags instead xxx
We have 3, boy girl boy, and its perfect for us. We always said we would have 2 or maybe 3, and when my girl was about a year we were discussing whether we would, part of us said we would wait until they were older, but we decided in the end if we were to have 3 we wanted to do it sooner rather then later so that they would all grow up together, there are 26 months between the youngest and middle child, and 22 months between the oldest and middle.
Lots of people seem to worry about middle child syndrome, but I don’t think that has to be an issue at all,
Its hard work but we have found our perfect family with 3, other then the super expensive holidays lol.
#TwinkyTuesday x
Beautiful post! #mummyandus xx
I love the mix of pragmatism and idealism in your post. I can see the challenges of having a third, especially with so many institutions assuming a family of four. I have worried about the relationship complexity of adding a third child to the mix, which you mentioned. Thanks for being part of #TwinklyTuesday!
As a mom of 4, um….YUP….totally all true. And yes, traveling is complicated. Not to mention expensive.
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