Lately I have had to live more authentically than ever, I have had to share parts of myself that I really haven’t felt ready to share. There is nothing that leaves you feeling more raw and vulnerable than letting people see you at your lowest point. When you completely reach a point where you can no longer smile and say “I’m fine”.
I haven’t been fine, and I am not fine. Part of me is broken. Just when you feel you have everything under control (as much as we can control life), I have felt the ground shake beneath me. It is never easy to explain how you feel when anxiety takes a turn from being a healthy part of life that protects you, to a part of your life that makes you feel fear, that in reality doesn’t exist. Anxiety is different for each person, for me recently it feels like a dark shadow creeping up my throat and gripping my neck, making it feel like it hurts to breathe.
It is hard to write this, to be this honest, I mean let’s be frank as far as we have come as a society, stigmas still exist and judgements are still made, but the truth is I don’t see myself as weak, I see myself as strong. I am suffering an illness just like billions of people suffer different illnesses! It is hard, I mean if you really want to know, it is more than hard! What it takes to battle this illness is more strength than you can imagine. Contrary to what some believe it is not something you can just snap out of, and it is not something you can get over by going on a weekend getaway. If only . . . . . . . . .
What I know is I am so blessed, I am so in love with my life, except for this illness! I don’t need anything, I am not lacking anything, I am just not well. I also know I am a fighter, fighting an illness. I am strong, and even when everything in me is screaming for these feelings and fears to go away, even when my body wants to shut down, I will keep fighting.
It will take all of my strength to hit publish on this, and if you are reading this, then know that I am doing it because I promise my readers that I will be fearlessly authentic! There are Key words there FEARLESS and AUTHENTIC. I can only do that by facing one of my biggest fears and that is speaking my truth, I am not well.
I know some will not understand, I know many of you have been through, or are going through what I am going through. I know that no matter how people choose to judge me, that it is only by being authentic that I can help others live with authenticity. We all fight our battles. I know I am not alone, and I hope whatever battle you are fighting now, or in the future, you will know that you are not alone either.
This is me, raw, honest, anxious and fearlessly authentic.
I am always grateful for all of you that share your authentic moments, both happy and hard with our Fearlessly Authentic Instagram Community. If you don’t know about this community it is a space where you can share any real life, authentic moments in your life on Instagram simply by tagging #livingfearlesslyauthentic on your pics. Each month I share my favourites here at Reflectionsfromme.com and will notify you on Instagram.
Here are my recent favourites!
These great images were shared by;
@mummuddlingthrough. @sincerleywildermind.
@hayley_and_rory. @lucyathomeblog.
If you don’t already follow these Instagramers please check out their feeds. Don’t forget to tag your images with #LivingFearlesslyAuthentic!
You can follow my feed @Macglanville.
Thank you for reading this today, if you know anyone who suffers anxiety feel free to share this with them, Mac xx
27 comments
Oh Mackenzie I’m so sorry you are fighting this difficult illness right now. I have been there and it is exhausting. You write about it so beautifully – you are right that it is an illness just like any other and it takes real strength to stand up to it and keep on going. Thank you for sharing my photo. Xx
You are very welcome, thank you for sharing your photos with #livingfearlesslyauthentic and thank you so much for your kindness and support xx
Even strong people get sick 😘
Mwah!
You are the epitome of living fearlessly authentic, and I think about you often as I go through my day. I am so sad to hear you are having these challenges now, and I know you are as strong and brave as RBG and Wonder Woman rolled together! A great big hug to you, lovely Mac. I wish I could stop over for tea, and chat in real life! #mainylovessummer @myrealfairy Love you! xoxo
I wish we could have a cuppa too, I think of you always too, you have always been an inspiration to me. Thank you for your support and love xx
You are very strong and brave for posting this. Anxiety is awful, it is a part of us that has such an effect on the rest of our lives. Once it creeps in it is very hard to push it out again. I hope this post helps others to be strong as well.
#mainylovessummer
Thank you so much, I can not tell you how much it means to me that you have taken the time to show such kindness xx
Anxiety is such a difficult thing to deal with because it steals into every part of your life and there is no relief from it. It is exhausting. I hope that in sharing, you have found comfort and support and from those around you.
And this post has certainly resonated with us, particularly as someone felt so strongly about it, they added it to the BlogCrush linky. Feel free to grab your “I’ve been featured” blog badge 🙂 #blogcrush
I am so grateful that someone shared this as their BlogCrush it truly makes me feel like I am not alone! Thank you xx
Thanks for posting. It’s a shame that it’s something that’s not really understood by all or is stigmatized by some. I applaud you for openly talking about your struggles. My son also struggles with generalized anxiety as well as OCD and I’ve spend most of this past year helping him though it (along with a therapist). He’s come a long way, but it’s been a really tough year. I really feel for your struggle and wish you the best of luck.
Thank you so much for taking the time to show me kindness and share your own story, I am sorry your son is facing and enduring this battle, and I know how hard it is to be a support person (I’ve have been there too). Look after yourself, and know your son is so blessed to have you xx
Well done for hitting the publish button Mac and getting your thoughts and feelings out there, you did it and stood by your fearless and authentic words. You are a fighter:)
Mainy
#mainylovessummer
Thank you so much!!!! Your words mean more than I can say xx
My lovely friend I wish you had reached out to me. I know that you can beat this illness, I know how hard it is but I know that you are truly fearless! This post proves it. Please be kind to yourself. Big love 💕
Thank you so much Catie, I can not tell you how much this means to me. You are such a beautiful person with the kindest heart. Sending you love xx
Sending love and it is ok to be ill and not feel good X #ablogginggoodtime
Hoping this is in your rear view mirror for good!
There is nothing wrong with authentic. It is nice to know not everyone has the pinterest perfect life! Be real. Be you!
That is the only way to go. Keep going that way. #ablogginggoodtime
Being honest about what you are going through is what makes you so strong Mac. I have been there and I understand. This is also showing your true character by showing your readers your vulnerabilities so that they too, may not feel so alone. I am glad to know Mac and I wish you well, even though and especially through this dark time. #ABloggingGoodTime
This is a brave post, hope you feel better soon! #ablogginggoodtime
Great post! Keep fighting, you’re doing great! You’re awareness of it is the best way. #ablogginggoodtime
I suffer from anxiety too so I completely get where you are coming from. Hugs … look forward to the good days. x
#ablogginggoodtime
Anxiety can be such a wicked beast to deal with, can’t it? Good on you for being open about it, and I hope you’re getting whatever support may be helpful to you, whether it’s medication, therapies, or something else. I know it’s not something that can just be ’fixed’ and then gone… So many people suffering with anxiety, and it can cause so many difficulties, wouldn’t it be wonderful if there was a cure-all for it, huh?
It doesn’t always look like anxiety to others either, does it? Some become agressive, some shut themselves away… it can be hard for people around to understand that it’s due to anxiety. Big hugs xx
#ablogginggoodtime
So sorry you are going through this currently. I admire your courage and authenticity in your writing though. It really helps you feel less alone on days or periods you are struggling to know you’re not the only person going through it #ablogginggoodtime
Comments are closed.