When mummy needs a minute! Is that even possible?

I have been saying it a fair bit lately and I have also heard many others around me saying it, what am I talking about? “Being run down!” Feeling stressed, too busy, not having enough time to fit everything in, or get things done! Feeling overwhelmed and overworked! Sound familiar? Welcome to life!

But does that have to be our reality? Is it just “normal” and so we should just accept it and stop complaining? Is anyone listening to us complain any way? My kids don’t seem to hear me when I say “mummy needs a minute“. My youngest Adam literally starts counting to 60 when I say it!!! And my one minute of silence or alone time I desperately crave is filled with his counting whilst standing next to me, right next to me!!! And yes even when I am on the toilet, sorry, but totally true! Am I a bad mother for needing some space? Shouldn’t I be enjoying the fact that I can’t pee or take a shower in private because one day he will grow up and won’t won’t to know me when his friends are around. I will stand by the school gate waving and his fiends will be like “isn’t that your mum?” And he will say, “that strange lady waving? No I don’t know her!” And my heart will break. 

But it’s not just the kids that make life busy, it is loads of things, many of them little things that just keep needing to be done, and it never ends, like washing, it never ever stops, and if you ignore it which I sometimes attempt to do, it doesn’t magically go away (seems like their is not a magic washing, folding, & ironing fairy after all), in fact it actually grows, and grows and morphs into a mountain! 

Between work, traveling to and from work, kids, washing, dishes, paper work, bills, shopping (both for the fun stuff and the food stuff so we don’t starve our families), and sports, school runs, walking the dog, helping the kids look for all the things that have magically disappeared into the abyss (like school socks), and on top of that there is illness, and being a therapist to our kids and sometimes our friends, and a million other things, oh gosh I am exhausted just writing it all let alone doing it all.

But that is the thing we are trying to do it all, and do it all perfectly, and we are beating ourselves up if it is not done perfectly. We feel guilty because we can not possibly please everyone and do everything, and be everything that everyone needs us to be, we just can’t! So why do we keep trying so hard to achieve the impossible and still manage to look gorgeous whilst doing it? Seriously what are we thinking? What are we doing to ourselves?

Is it just today’s society? Is it the fact that women in the past fought so dam hard for us to be heard? They fought for us to be able to go out and work, and to be able to vote, and to choose if we want to wear a bra! Do we feel that we will let these women down if we don’t do everything they fought so hard for us to be able to do? 

Or is it fear of judgement by others, in particular other women, ask any stay at home mum how many time she has been asked, “what do you do all day?” and she will tell you it is too many times too count! (And maybe that she wants to punch the next person in the face who asks)! Why do women need to prove their worth to other women? We are all busy whether we work full time or not, believe me stay at home mums are not sitting watching TV soaps all day! They are busy, we are all busy, too busy, too competitive, too scheduled! We even have to schedule “me time” and “relaxation” because if we don’t it just won’t happen! And half the time that we manage to schedule it we end up having to re-schedule because we get a phone call from the school nurse saying our precious child has a sore tummy!

But it is not all doom and gloom, having a life full of people we love and a job we hopefully love is a good thing, I would rather be complaining that I am too busy for ‘me time‘ than complaining because I have nothing to do at all. I mean having nothing to do is nice for a day, (or maybe for an extended vacation lying on a beach in Mauritius)

yep I could do that! (photo credit southern cross motels)

…….. but really I am grateful that I have a family, work, friends, and even if having 3 kids means loads of washing and running around I wouldn’t trade it for all the relaxing holidays in the world, honestly I wouldn’t, because even when I get a very rare day to myself I enjoy it for a few hours and then I am wondering when they are coming home. (Even if after 10 minutes of them being home I am wishing I had another hour of peace lol).

So what is the answer to finding the right balance? Can I have a busy life and still find time for me? Is it possible to have the best of both worlds?

OK to be honest it will not always be easy to make time for ourselves for hours on end, but we can make the most of the little snippets of time we get.

Here are some tips for making some time for yourself! Fell free to add more in the comment section (I love comments).

• When you are travelling to and from work make the most of this time. rather than getting angry at slow moving traffic or the delayed train again, pop on some music, download your favourite songs and enjoy them. Or try downloading books you can listen to. If you are travelling by train read a book, or enjoy flicking through Instagram or playing your fav games on your phone. Just zoning out will do you good, take your mind off work, or things on your to do list, and focus on the present moment.

• Whilst your children are busy with their sport lesson or other activity, rather than sit outside and wait why not head out for a coffee with other parents and enjoy a chat. Or at least take a good book to read!

• Don’t feel guilty for sticking (placing), your child in front of his/her favourite TV show so you can enjoy a peaceful shower, or even 10 minutes to relax with a hot cup of tea. We all need that!

• After the kids are finally in bed don’t spend the entire evening cleaning, have a cuppa, snuggle up with a good book, or veg out in front of the TV, chat with your partner, you need and deserve some down time.

• Encourage your children (or partner) to clean up with you. The younger they start the better as you can make it a game, (let’s see who can put their pile away quicker?), reward them with loads of positive praise when they pick up their toys! Even my 6 year old makes his bed (I sometimes re-make it, but generally he does pretty good and I try to refrain from fixing it as that makes him feel he is not  doing it good enough if I do. The other day my parents were coming over and he showed me he had made his bed, he had teddy bears in weird places and I though ‘oh no it looks messy’, but I let it be. Luckily I did as he then told me the teddies spelled out “Nan” and he had especially done it for my mum, so cute!).  The more they do the less you do, it really works if you start young because by the time they are 10 they do it perfectly and this will free you up to have extra time for yourself!

• Don’t look at work emails or documents before you get to work. Seeing emails just make you stress from the minute you do, so avoid them until you are at work. Same goes for at night, don’t check work emails before you go to bed!

• Unplug. Yes turn off your phone half an hour before bed!

• If all is failing bribe your kids! Yes I am serious, put a big pile of coloured paper and pens in front of them, or something else they enjoy and tell them if they don’t disturb you for 15 minutes you will draw with them or play a game with them afterwards. Set a timer if you have to. Obviously the activity and time will differ depending on their age. For a 5 year old it may be five minutes, for a 10 year old it may be 30 minutes. Make sure you follow through on your promise to give them your time if they give you the time you asked for. They will learn to understand that if they give you space they will then get what they really want, which is your attention! Use that time alone to have a cuppa, read, take a shower, or even meditate.

• Ask for help! Don’t be afraid to let friends or family know you need a couple of hours help now and then. We all need help sometimes.

• Focus on the positives. It may not give you extra time, but start a gratitude journal, write 2 things in it each night that you are grateful for, it is an instant pick me up and it will help you feel better about life!

Getting time for ourselves as a woman and as a mother can be tricky, and yes some times it can be like trying to swim upstream, but we need to sneak in moments wherever we can, and focus on the positives in life. Remember that if things feel too overwhelming or you feel you are loosing your mind don’t be afraid to ask for help. Sometimes we feel ashamed to admit we are not coping, but if we open up and let others know how you are feeling you will find that we are usually all feeling the same way. Talking about it can show us how normal we actually are, and remind us we are not alone!! 

As I mentioned above I would love you to share any tips you have for finding some time for yourself.

Thanks for joining me, love Mac xx

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