Last Thursday I was diving home from art class feeling totally empowered. Radio turned up, me singing, (this is a regular occurrence when my 3 children are not in the car as no one can tell me to stop singing, or to turn the volume down. Oh and although I love hearing everything going on in my childrens’ lives, sometimes when there is a great song it really bugs me when they want to talk over the top of it), any way sidetracked! My thoughts were really positive, I felt clearer than I have in ages about where I want my life to head, what I want and I felt a determination to stop listening to the Nay sayers!

Thursday evening on the sofa and April was feeling as hyperactive as me, we were doing silly jazz hand routines and laughing our heads off. Then it hit me out of no where, I just started to feel incredibly sick. It was like one minute fine, second minute a little light headed, third minute I wanted to vomit. (Sorry).

I was up all night, I haven’t been sick for ages, I couldn’t even tell you when. Slight tummy pains or a cold yes, but not this kind of sick. Friday came around, luckily Steve was home as it was Good Friday. No school runs, and if there had of been I wouldn’t of made it. I was knocked out, I barely remember being awake that day. However it was that night that was the worst. I had immense pain throughout my entire body, I couldn’t sleep properly as the pain kept waking me. Around 2am I was honestly on the verge of calling an ambulance as I was beginning to fear something was seriously wrong. Around my kidneys was the most intense pain. Saturday was a blur.

Easter Sunday was not the joyful day I had planned. My hubby bundled me into the car where I fell asleep and we arrived at my parents. I steered clear of everyone but it was lovely to sit outside and watch the kids and their cousins have the most fabulous time hunting for Easter eggs in the sprawling garden. Although I could barely function, I was able to appreciate the moment, the laughter, the excitement, the autumn leaves, some still clinging on in shades of brilliant reds and watch the Lorikeets play in the native bushes.

Fast forward to today, Wednesday morning, I sit in my bed, thankful I can look at a computer screen as looking at a TV, computer, reading a book, or looking at my phone has felt like a knife in my eyes, or head for the past week. (Not that I actually know how that feels). Still my eyes slightly sting, and I have spent most of last night awake. After feeling a little brighter yesterday, last night the pain was driving me crazy.

If you have noticed my absence on social media this is why. If I have not replied to you this is why.

That girl in the car feeling empowered last Thursday has fizzled. I have very little drive right now. It is hard to feel sick and useless for a week and not let it affect your sparkle. Yesterday a friend of mine lost her friend to Cancer, it puts things into perspective! I am so very blessed to only be complaining about a week of being sick!

I may not feel kick ass right now, but I do feel grateful. Writing this post has left me ready to nap, my eyes are quite honestly struggling to stay open and I am in pain, but it is bearable. It is ok to feel like crap! It is ok to feel annoyed at spending a couple of days or weeks being sick. It is ok to have a moan, we shouldn’t feel guilty for that. There are always people who have it harder than we do, that doesn’t mean we are not entitled to feel shitty, what it does though, is it reminds me how much I have to be thankful for. Life is a beautiful gift, my children laugh and I am reminded of happiness, the seasons change and with them each bring their unique beauty that we get to witness. I have people to love and people who love me, I have the fluffiest white kitten on my bed keeping me company and even though my house is in utter chaos I have a home.

There are blessings all around us, we are entitled to get down, to feel self pity, to say today it’s a bad day, or this past week has been really tough, but remind yourself to look for the happy in each day too.

Hope you are well xx

Thanks for letting me moan, for those who got to the end of this post I am thankful to you too! Love Mac xx