Sometimes keeping up with an 11 year old seriously does my head in. It is like being on a rollercoaster. As we go up it is all wonderful and exciting, then you get the view from the top and it is magnificent, but on the way down you feel completely out of control and scream your head off! Today we had all the moments in a matter of hours. This morning she was in a fab mood, I woke up to the giggles and scooters speeding around the veranda past my bedroom window. Aspen and her siblings were having the best time hanging out together. This was followed by stacks on in the bed and the loads of hugs for me. Then the girls made a pretend shop in the living room and we all had to go and buy things like books, pens, and toys. Yep the view from the top was wonderful!
Suddenly the rollercoaster started its decent, my sweet 11 year old disappeared and was replaced by a grumpy and defiant pre-teen. She wasn’t joining in anything we did, and I could barely get a word out of her. She refused a hug to try and cheer her up and didn’t even want to join us for lunch. Yep she was mad, only it seemed to be for no reason. At least no reason that I could figure out. But I’m not sure as a tween you need a reason do you?
The next thing I knew she buried her head into me and held on tight. She shed a few tears and wanted me to hug her. I think she was trying to break the world record for hugging, she just wasn’t going to let go. So I put aside what I wanted to get done and held on tight to my sweet, sad girl. We had a little chat about how confusing life can feel, how sometimes emotions can be all over the place. “It’s not fair”, she said. I have to agree with her that sometimes it just doesn’t seem fair. I mean life can be pretty amazing, but there are times we feel things for what seems like no reason. Sometimes we just get in a crappy mood and we can’t explain it. Maybe we are tired, or maybe it’s hormonal? I guess we can’t be ‘up’ all the time.
It’s not easy as a mum, seeing your child confused, grumpy, sad, or at a loss to explain what they are going through. I know as she edges closer to her teen years their will be lots of ups and downs and unexplainable tears. I just hope I can help her through it, and I also hope my patience can hang on. For the most part I try to be understanding, and tolerate the change in moods, but sometimes when I am so tired I feel I could collapse, I find it hard to keep my cool. “Breathe” I tell myself, and I remember how lucky I am to be a mum, and to have a healthy daughter. I try be understanding of my child whose body and mind are going through so many changes that she can barely keep up.
Yesterday when I was out with April, Aspen spent hours working on baking and decorating a cake for her little sister just to tell her she loves her, and she is proud of something brave April had done. Sometimes, in fact most of the time my 11 year old is the most generous, sweetest girl in the world and these are the moments I keep in mind when she is driving me totally insane.
I told her that it is OK to feel your emotions, it is OK to sometimes feel mad or angry, just as it is OK to cry. I mean at the end of the day I think it is better for all of us to share our feelings with someone we trust than it is to keep them bottled up. So if I have to spend time hugging my emotional daughter then I will spend that time being grateful that at least she came to me with how she feels rather than bottling it up. Let’s hope she keeps coming to me for those hugs for many years to come.
What about you? Do you have a tween or teenager who behaves like this? Or do you remember going through this confusing stage yourself? Love to hear your thoughts so feel free to leave me a comment below,
Thanks for joining me, love Mackenzie xx
47 comments
I love that quote, it’s absolutely beautiful!
it is isn’t it, thanks honey
This quote is too true! everyone assumes that if you show your emotions you are week but that is not it at all! Also it’s healthy not to bottle it up. I remember being a tween (just :p) and at the time I felt completely justified to go on rampages and cry and get upset and then after i would feel so silly! it’s all par for the course unfortunately, as long as she knows that someones there to cuddle/shout at, she’ll do just fine 🙂
yes I think we will ride this wave for quite a while, I know it is normal, but as a mum I worry and just want to make everything better.
Beautiful quote Mackenzie and certainly sums it up. My daughter was like yours but she is a beautiful young woman and mother now and I’m so proud of her. #mg
I know Aspen will be a beautiful person to, she already is. She has the sweetest heart, just sometimes drives me crazy too
I don’t have a tween or teenager, but I remember these emotional days all to well. Heck, I still have them today! Like you said, it’s unrealistic to feel “up” all the time! When my little girl reaches the tween age begins to have mood swings, I’m going to heed your advice and focus on her wonderful qualities to help me to be patient with her. I have pinned your quote because I just love it so much! Thank you for hosting #mg! xx
thanks for linking up lovely, yes it is such a lovely quote I just had to share it when I saw it. And yes we do have those days even as adults!
I love that quote too and I remember those days with my three girls (now all grown and married). Just like when Aspen wanted only to be held, there were many times when all my girls needed was for me to be there and do just that: hold them and let them cry. Sometimes, I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves as moms to have the “right” answer. I learned that its okay to not have all the right words as long as you give them those loving arms. Very nice post Mackenzie.
had another teary night tonight, I finally settled her, it is so hard for her dealing with changes right now. Thanks for the support Mary xx
Beautiful quote! We have days like this with my three-and-a-half year-old — I’m more than a bit concerned about the tween and teen years!
Ah, you are such a wonderful, wonderful mother. Sounds like you did exactly what she needed you to do. It really can be a stressful and confusing time. Love and listening, patience and acceptance; these are the things that help. Thanks for sharing, and for hosting #mg xx
Thanks Kyles, I try. She is so confused right now, I wish I could just make it all better.
Such a difficult age for parents and child. Its wonderful that she feels able to come to you after and say ‘i felt bad’. It shows what a strong relationship you two obviously have. XX
#Mg
We do have a strong relationship, I adore her and just wish she knew how true amazing she is.
Nice quote. Sounds like a difficult age – one to look forward to! Love that she made her little sister a cake, though, that’s so sweet. #mg
The cake was actually amazing it tasted so good! Thanks for your comment and support x
Beautiful quote! my kids are still little so it would still be a long while til I get to deal with this type of situation… although I do remember when I was a teenager when my emotions go up and down frequently which seems normal for an adolescent stage. Thanks for sharing! #mg
Yes it is very normal, it is such a confusing age.
Popping over from #candidcuddles =) I’m HERE! You don’t have to bug me 😉 Nice quote. I’ve struggled with my emotions, showing them. I felt I had to keep them in check to appear strong. I guess I’ll have to rethink that… Come share your crafts, DIY’s, recipes & up-cycle posts at #2usestuesday (Mon PM to Fri PM) & your latest & greatest Pinterest pins at #Pinbellish (Fri AM to Tues AM) over at Sarah Celebrates if you don’t already!
Yes I always tried to seem strong, but inside was another story, it is hard being a tween and hard being a mummy at times too.
Oh I definitely get this and feel your pain. I was always told I was too sensitive and made to pretend everything was ok, even when it wasn’t. I have always let our girls know that it’s ok to show how you feel. This is such an important message. Thank you for sharing and for hosting this new link, I have missed the change somewhere along the way xxx
Yes I encourage her to let it out, I wish I could take away all the confusion for her, it breaks my heart at times. Thanks for your support lovely xx
Ah it can’t be easy for you or your daughter! I’m not looking forward to those times with the ups & downs & emotions. It’s wonderful that you are so supportive of her emotions. That’s a great thing to teach your daughter. Thanks so much for hosting #MG x
Thanks Becky, it isn’t easy for her, she is such a deep feeler and thinker, but she has a beautiful heart xx
This is a lovely quote. The message often seems to be that crying is weak, and we should hold our emotions in, it’s so nice to read something that portrays being emotional as a positive thing. #candidcuddles
it is a great message, thanks for stopping by xx
Oh, you’re such a wonderful mummy! I have had and am still having those ups and downs and I have learnt that I have to let go and let them be. I hug when they want it, I give them space when they need it and I don’t press if they just don’t want anything or don’t know what they want. That’s the best we can do. It’s confusing for them just as much as it is for us parents, methinks! You’re right that it’s better that you come to you for support rather than bottling it all up. Thanks for hosting #mg.
It is just so confusing for her and Steve and I as her parents. But I just hope she can come through these years with happiness and confidence in herself.
I went through to the tweens with my stepdaughter and it is a very fraught time as their hormones are going wild and their emotions are everywhere and their body is changing. Its a very sensitive time. No matter how much they push you away they still want and need you. My key lesson was just to make sure I was there and that she knew it. Definitely paid off and she tells me it was the right thing to do. Good luck x
My eldest is 12 years old and we can totally relate to the rollercoaster. Every now and then she is so caught off guard with her own behaviour she gets scared. We talk and hug and have planned to get through it together as a family. With three boys coming up the rear – life is sure to be interesting! Goodluck. Mel xx #abitofeverything
M’s emotions get the better of her all the time, and I struggle to keep calm but mine do too so sometimes we end up squabbling like sister.
Everything is awesome when she’s not in the throes of teen angst and turmoil though #ABitOfEverything
Hi, im back from #abitofeverything. Im sure with your support she will grow to realise how special she is. Thanks for linking, Tracey xx
My tween boy is much the same. One minute he’s lovely and the next he’s either screaming at us or sobbing his heart out! It’s a tough job when you’re dealing with such random mood swings but that’s what we’re there for right? You’re right though, allowing them to be themselves is the best thing we could possibly do.
#BrilliantBlogPosts
My tween boy is much the same. One minute he’s lovely and the next he’s either screaming at us or sobbing his heart out! It’s a tough job when you’re dealing with such random mood swings but that’s what we’re there for right? You’re right though, allowing them to be themselves is the best thing we could possibly do.
#abitofeverything
Gosh it’s tough isn’t and they seem so young. I’ll be joining you soon with my 9 year old. Sounds like lots of cuddles are on the cards – I’ll like that bit. The mood swings are tough, I really can’t remember how I felt at their age, it seems so young. I know I was a typical teenager when I was older (pity my poor parents). I see it with older nieces how one minute they want to play barbies and the next they are too grown up to even speak. It’s a confusing, egg-shell time for all involved.
Great post. Nice to meet you on #abitofeverything. Nicky
Yes Nicky an egg-shell time is a great way to put it. So nice to meet you too, thanks for your comment x
Thank you for sharing, as always hun 🙂 It wouldn’t be candid cuddles without your great quotes! x
Oh what lovely comment Becky, thanks so much. You make me smile x
Understanding and dealing with emotions is so hard at this stage. You sound like an amazing mum, patient and caring in spades. I am sure with your support she will come through this stage well. If she is struggling with confidence my post may help you http://diaryofanimperfectmum.blogspot.nl/2015/11/autism-us-positive-ways-of-working-on.html?m=0 I hope it will! It is genuinely not a plug!!! #justanotherlinky
oh thank you, I will read this now, thanks so much xx
I have a tween, he is 11 going on 21 and we have a whole range of highs and lows each and every day! I don’t remember being so dramatic at that age although I’m sure my parents might disagree!! The most depressing thing is, it’s only going to get worse from here!! #justanotherlinky
oh I hope not too much worse, fingers crossed x
Awww, my eldest daughter is 10yrs old and suffers with high anxiety. The older she’s getting, the more she can communicate her feelings and fears, so we’re actually finding things better than they ever have been, because of this. I know, as she approaches her teens, we’ll all be in for a rough ride, but I’m really hoping, after several years of learning to make sense of, and to deal with, her anxieties, we’ll both have the tools to get through. It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your daughter. A really lovely, heartfelt post. #justanotherlinky
yes Aspen has anxiety too, which complicates things, but we are doing all we can and she is a beautiful girl. Good luck with your daughter too xx
I remember being that agevand the roller coaster of emotions is huge. Poor you trying to keep up. Thanks for linking up to #justanotherlinky xx
Great quote and another great post. Thanks for linking up with #justanotherlinky
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