Impossible to forget

I am so blessed, I am surrounded by amazing women in my life, my mother, my sister, amazing aunts and lots of lovely loyal girlfriends. Back at school there was five of us who were inseparable. We had many other friends, some came and went, others we still catch up with occasionally or see on social media.

But the five of us always stuck together, we have seen each other through first crushes, first kisses, first sips of alcohol. We graduated school together,  we partied together, we cried endless tears together and laughed until we were all in tears together. After high school we all set off on different paths, and met new friends along the way, but still we shared an unbreakable bond. We are the kind of friends that can be apart for months and yet we fall back into our friendship like we saw each other yesterday. One call and we all drop everything to hold one another’s hand.

My friends were there through my heart breaks, they held back my hair when I drank too much, the put up with my wakiness and laughed at my stupid jokes. They partied on my hens night and celebrated my Wedding day with me and hubby. They cried with me when I lost my babies and held my healthy new born babies when they arrived. They have seen me at my worst, they have seen me at my best, most of all they have seen me, the real me and they still love me whole heartedly. I am blessed.

Today would have been one of my beautiful friend’s 38th birthday, and I can not get her off my mind. Our five sadly went to four when my beautiful friend passed away almost 6 years ago. I can’t believe it has been almost 6 years already. We all miss her so desperately.  When we get together there is always a presence missing, a dynamic that no one could ever attempt to fill. She was so funny, so sweet, so generous with her love and laughter. We were going to be five Granny’s together, and now we will be four. True friends I have a lot of, but no one will ever take her place. The endless hours spent together, the sleep overs, the holidays, the laughs with her that can never be forgotten.

Sometimes I see someone from behind and for a moment I think it could be her, that it was all a big mistake. Sometimes when I met my friends for coffee I feel like she is somehow with us. She would be the one ordering hot chocolate, she hated coffee. And she would be laughing out loud, a Tim Tam biscuit in hand, her golden hair would be glowing and her piercing blue eyes would be full of mischief. That is how I want to remember her, not the women lying in a hospital bed with tubes attached.

Today would have been her birthday, yet I can not share cake with her, I can not tell her I love her, or Facebook her a silly sticker. She will never meet my son, she will never hold me again when I cry and I will never hold her again. I miss her, and somehow I hope she knows how much the four of us love her, how much we treasured her friendship, how she changed our lives, and how she will never be forgotten.

Happy birthday our beautiful friend. Your friendship multiplied the good in all of our lives. You will always be impossible to forget,  we will never forget you xx

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