Sitting outside the cabin getting some fresh air, or smokey air if you count the smoke drifting off the fire, I’m under the shelter with a morning cuppa and it’s raining lightly. The dogs look more like wet muddy messes than dogs, and the cows are mooing in the distance. Quite simply I am happy.
I know life isn’t this simple though. I know my husband can not do his job from here and I would have to give up mine too. I know the kids need to be educated and can not simply learn about life from playing with our puppies in the rain, going on bush walks, collecting wood, drawing, or playing games around the kitchen table. Still the thought of going home makes my chest tight.
I feel like a child who wants to scream ‘it’s not fair!’ Being a grown up was supposed to mean we get to do what ever we want. We can eat cake for dinner if we want, we can stay up as late as we want and we can change the world! So why does it actually feel like I am suffocated by rules? I am not talking about the big rules like you can’t speed, or steal etc. I am happy to follow those, but it’s these kind of unspoken rules of society and the pressure to ‘be’ a certain way, or raise my children a certain way.
I have spent the last 4 years evolving and learning to like who I am, I am spent so much time pushing myself out of my former ‘people pleasing‘ comfort zone and being authentic. I have downsized, de-cluttered and practiced mindfulness all of which have helped me become closer to who I am craving to be, ‘my authentic self’! Yet still I am not living the life I want, or more to the point the life where I feel I can breathe out.
I don’t want fancy things, sure they’re lovely, but I want exactly what I have right here and now, simplicity. Why does it feel so hard to create a simple life? I feel like as a mum I am torn between what is the best life for my children. I can see the benefits of giving them a simpler life and yet I also want to best prepare them for a future that gives them choices to be whatever the want to be.
Is the grass always greener on the other side? Has anyone ever made a huge decision to change their life and their children’s lives? Did it work out, or did you regret it?
Mac xx
Join us for #ablogginggoodtime link up, check it out HERE
22 comments
I can only think that some things we can change and we should endeavour to do that. Then maybe get better at accepting the things we can’t change easily and try to adjust our perspective. After all, you can live in a hovel in Timbuktu and “live” in New York in your head … well, you now what I mean! #ablogginggoodtime
I think it was yesterday that I was exclaiming to my husband that I’m still waiting for summer “vacation” to arrive, because right now, summer seems to be more work than ever!
It’s good that you are mindful of the tightrope we walk between work and relaxation, excess and simplicity. Don’t you think that one of the pitfalls of life on this fallen planet is the tension of feeling as if we never get it **quite** right?
Really feel your pain in this post – as a parent we are so often conflicted not knowing what to do for the best. Perhaps there is no best or certainly no perfection and perhaps that is ok. I home educated and wobble most days but it was better than leaving my daughter in a school where she was bullied by the Head as well as children. When your daughter hates herself and is threatening self-harm you act fast. And weirdly having made that decision and also my husband losing his job, it freed us up to make a life-changing decision to move to France for a much simpler and more affordable life. We are here a year now and although I still worry about the children and their future and whether what we are doing amounts to neglect, we are making the most beautiful memories – perhaps in the end that is what matters as life can be short and memories are fun to make but also sustain those left behind when the time comes. I sense your strength and willingness to challenge yourself – you will work it out and there really is no rush #abloggingoodtime
It is hard to be your true self but your doing amazingly well to make positive steps forward X #ablogginggoodtime
It takes a lot of bravery to make such a big change and I haven’t found my bravery yet. I know just how you feel though…I feel like we’re on a hamster wheel sometimes and I just want to get off and just be…
#ablogginggoodtime
It’s so tricky being a parent isn’t it? We want to do what’s best for them but sometimes we need to do what s best for the family too. Can you take some of what makes you happy now pdescribed here the place you are now -with you? If you know your husband can’t work there, you know that eventually the happiness you feel now would be tainted as you wouldn’t have any money! Perhaps take the feeling of being happy right now with you? If you see what I mean! Good luck with the new changes in your life. #ablogginggoodtime
It is so true. Society dictates so much of how we parent and it should not. Each child is different and each family is unique. #ablogginggoodtime
I think that we should all live by our own code of ethics and shut out the noise of others. Just my view. #ablogginggoodtime
I can’t say much about a simpler life when it comes to giving your children opportunities, but I hear your longing for that life. I feel it too. A longing for peaceful mornings and quiet days; jumping off the hamster wheel to enjoy the little pleasures of life. But I take those moments of peace where I can….as must we all, I guess.
It sounds like you’re making steps towards the life you want. The holiday has just reminded you where you are heading. Keep on, keeping on. #TheSatSesh
Hello again, this time from #TheSatSesh
I think you have to trust what you feel inside. I always believe that if you have to think about something too much then it’s probably not the right thing to do. When you’re on the right path it just feels right. 17 years ago we moved to Spain with our young children and we’re still here. It hasn’t always been easy but I don’t regret it. #thesatsesh
So many times i and my mother have thought about retiring to the hills. Away from the humdrum and urgency of urban life, to peace and calm of the hills. But always the dreams, jobs, education, career and other mortal aspirations have held us back. Village life is peaceful but without the network connectivity and the online world.
I could relate to your thoughts here…
I could’ve written this post myself. I’ve gotten to a point in my life where change seems like the only option, but then like you, I question whether the changes I want to make are for the best for my daughter. Yes, I need to do what makes me happy, but I also need to put her needs before mine. My thought is that little changes in the right direction are probably best for us as a family right now. X #thesatsesh
Sometimes adulting is very over-rated. Sometimes it is fabulous. It’s connecting the fabulous more often than the ‘not so greats’ — yes, maybe that helps. It’s too easy to be overwhelmed. How about just whelmed? xoxo #ablogginggoodtime xoxo
I feel the same lovely – life with its rules and boundaries is just so exhausting. I just want to pack the car pile us all in it and run away to a simpler life were we can just breathe. It is hard isn’t it. Sending love #ablogginggoodtime
My hubby once said. The grass is greener where you water it. #ablogginggoodtime
we moved to mid wales when our son was 7. We gave up well paid jobs and ciy life, choices of schools, careers, being near our family and bought a big house in a tiny village in the middle of nowhere. We have 3 rooms set aside from which we run B&B, I do the odd bit of gardening for old ladies and the odd cafe shift or stint behind a bar. Hubby does a little bit of DIY and handyman work. We get by on almost no money. Our son has grown up with us both around, he went to a village school of 50 kids and a high school of 650. The environment was his playground, he dammed streams , climbed trees, made dens, and as he got older, camped and swam in local rivers, partied in the mountains. now he’s 20 – he loves coming home from uni at weekends to our local pub and our house surrounded by green with hens and sheep replacing traffic noise. He had the best childhood – it didn’t involve expensive things, holidays, or career minded ambitious parents. It was just lots of parental time, love and laughter – you’ve probably worked out that we don’t regret our decision for a minute #thesatsesh
I’m with you Mac – I think we are on similar ‘journeys’ – trying to strip back to the simple things that are important in life. Have you seen the Topsy Turvy Tribe blog and on IG – Andrea and her tribe really are inspiring…. #thesatesh xx
oh no I haven’t, I will check that out, thank you xx
Hey Mac! I am back giving you and this post some of my best blogger love! #thesatsesh xoxo
Damn those bloody responsibilities hey Mac. I often say dream about living at the beach my natural therapy location. It’s amazing how being in nature makes us reevaluate isn’t it?! Finding a balance is hard but I hope you achieve it.
Comments are closed.