I want to raise my girls to have their own opinions, to use their voices, and feel confident and comfortable in their own skin. I guess what parent of a daughter wouldn’t want that? Obviously I want that for my son too!

Feminism is something really important to me, and so it is something I discuss quite regularly in our family home. I have blogged about being a feminist and what it means to me, yet I still find myself getting frustrated by the whole misconception around the word itself ‘feminism’ and what I mean by that.

A long story short, I was not raised in anyway to be a feminist, I didn’t know what it meant to be a feminist, I didn’t hear about what women had suffered through in history in order just to have basic human rights. In fact my childhood was more steered in the opposite direction. I remember the family scandal of an aunt who went back to university after having her children. It was like she had betrayed her husband and the entire family. When he went on to be unfaithful to her, it was her who was treated like the person who had wronged the family.

The men in my life where mostly my dad (when he wasn’t working), and my older brothers. I doted on my brothers, they are 6 and 8 years older than me. They said jump, I would say how high. They asked for a Beer, I went to the fridge to get it. They commented on my appearance, my body and I took it all to heart, they told me how things were going to be and I followed along. Oh how the world was yet to reveal itself to me.

My brothers and my dad have kind hearts, and despite the very male dominated way I was raised I was very loved, but extremely naive. I learnt the hard way that certain men telling me what to do and me blindly following can lead to disastrous consequences! Enough said. I think though this is why it is so important to me to raise my children differently, and why feminism and equality is something I am particularly passionate about. I want my daughters to know they deserve to be treated as equals, at home, with friends, and out in the big wide world.

Anyway I just needed a little vent . . . I was in the car with my brother the other day along with my children when he actually brought up feminists and how ‘these women‘ are making it so difficult for men to say, or do anything. That men are living in fear of being accused of being inappropriate. Well for starters I am sure he is unable to speak for how all men feel! I am sure not ‘all men‘ are living in fear. I can also understand though that we each (both men and women) have different lines that we find offensive to have crossed and this can cause confusion. What one woman may find offensive or see as sexual harassment can differ very much to the next. Same goes for men. At the end of he day we are all individuals and what is appropriate behaviour to some will not be to others.

So I am willing to acknowledge any confusion over certain behaviours. I would hope that for the most part though lines are pretty clear. And hey if there is confusion, we could just ask? My brother was telling me how he had a female co-worker pat him on his behind and he asked her not to do that, she joked back ‘oh but you love it‘. He found it annoying and inappropriate, but said if he was to make a report no one would listen. He believes there are double standards and you know what there probably is to a degree, but I would hope now that more work places are taking sexual harassment seriously whether it is done by a female, or male. We have a long way to go as a society! In my brother’s mind though, it is the fault of feminists. Feminists have caused life for men to become a lot more difficult.

I could feel myself getting really annoyed, I have spent most of my life being silenced, a good girl keeps quiet, and it has taken me, (still a work in progress) a long time and a lot of hard work to become a woman who speaks her mind! So I felt a little torn between launching right on in with my thoughts on feminism, or just breathing through my frustrations and keeping quiet. I think that I felt annoyed because not only is feminism so misunderstood, but I spend so much time teaching my children about equality, about everyone no matter their gender, their skin colour, their sexual orientation, what they wear, have equal rights and should be treated with dignity and kindness, and there is my brother ranting on negatively about feminism in the front seat.

I said to my brother that he has every right to not have his co-worker touch him, or speak to him in a way that makes him feel uncomfortable, that he did the right thing telling her, and that if she continues then he has the right to speak up! I then bit my tongue, which I felt annoyed about, but also felt like it wasn’t the right moment to launch into song “I am woman hear me roar!”

Let’s face it the world is not equal, men, women, children, we are not treated equally. We have so far to go, mountains to climb, but we also have to acknowledge we have come along way! Far enough??? Hell NO! No woman, man, child deserves to be treated as if they don’t matter, no one deserves to be sexually harassed, put down, told they are not worthy. The world is still a very unfair place! Feminism is not to blame though, feminism has done so much to raise women up and promote equality for men and women. I think the word itself has been misused, I think certain people have gone to inapropraite extremes trying to use feminism as their reason, but a true feminist does not hate men, does not want to put men down, a true feminist is not a man hater, true feminists are fighting for equality, for equal rights!

I have said it before, I have many men I love, I do not hate men, and I am a feminist. I love my dad more than I can say, this past year he has supported me emotionally through difficult times and I could not think higher of him. I am so in love with my husband, and then there is my son who is the most precious thing in my world along with my daughters. So I am far from a man hater! I just wish that people understood that feminism is not a dirty word, but a word that encompasses rights for men as well as women.

Sometimes I feel like I am still a little girl at heart, dreaming of a world where everyone loves one another and wishes everyone well. I know that dreamer lives on in me, though I am not naive, I just believe that each person can make a positive difference if we have a little more love and compassion in our hearts.

I didn’t feel like in that moment in the car that it was right to say all that, maybe I should have? I am not sure, but I needed to get that off my chest so I have done that now.

You may wish to read my Post “I am a feminist, and this is why.”

Feminism is a range of political movements, ideologies, and social movements that share a common goal: to define, establish, and achieve political, economic, personal, and social equality of sexes

Wikipedia

Any thoughts? Thanks for reading, Mac xx

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