Vulnerability is beauty,
it is showing those around you your truth.
Nothing is more beautiful than being authentic,
than sharing the true you with the world.
Beauty is hidden within truth,
so allow your truth to shine its light and beauty on the world.
The people who care about you will be there for you, they will respect you and love you for making yourself vulnerable to them. I believe this, so why am I so afraid to make myself vulnerable sometimes? Why does vulnerability scare us so much? Maybe I am afraid that people will judge me, or maybe it is that I am scared that I will look like a fool? Will I bare my soul only to be left standing alone? Will I be the only one who feels this way?
I know that I am not alone. Whether others stand with me and say “I understand” or “I feel that way too”, doesn’t matter, because whether they say it or not I know I am not the only one who feels the things I feel. Yes every experience is unique and everyone feels things differently, but I am not the only person to have ever felt insecure or vulnerable.
Being a blogger who opens up about many personal things makes me vulnerable every day, yet still I do it. Is it scary? In the beginning it was terrifying, but now I am much more comfortable with vulnerability. But today I feel incredibly vulnerable. And if I am honest with myself it is not because I am scared you won’t understand, it is because I am not sure I am ready to feel what I am feeling. I am scared that if I make myself write about how I am feeling that I may start a flood of the emotion and fear that I am holding in. I know from personal experience that me holding onto things is not healthy for me. I know that sharing how I feel is the best choice, but today I want to protect my heart from opening up. My mind tells me that holding onto emotions and trying to burry them is the wrong choice. I feel like a Dam that is about to burst.
Nothing major has happened, we are OK, I am just mentally exhausted. I am worrying about things that I shouldn’t let worry me. But all these little things feel like they are building up. So I am going to list them and free myself!
- I am freaking out that my baby girl is going to high school next year, that the protected little primary school of kids and parents I know is going to suddenly be so huge!
- I am scared she will be bullied, I am scared she will start to really notice boys, I am scared she will have her first heartbreak, I am scared that strong friendships will break and shatter. I worry because these are the things she asks me about at night when I tuck her in and I reassure her all will be OK, that we will face whatever happens and not to worry unless or until it happens! (I am telling her it is OK and then I am going to bed thinking ‘oh shit how will she cope’?) And I know that she will, I know we will get her through it all, but still I am scared.
- Then I feel guilty because my son is driving me nuts with his cheeky behaviour, he is not listening like he used too and I feel bad when I get frustrated because I love him beyond words and I don’t want to feel annoyed with him.
- Then I am tired because I spent last week with migraines and poor Adam was home sick with one thing and now it is a new week and he is home sick with something else!
- Aspen also gets braces on her teeth this week and I am worried about that, what if she is teased?
- I am worried about people dressing as clowns and scaring innocent people, what is wrong with people? And how are nice clowns going to earn a living right now?
- I am mad at myself for worrying about things, I don’t want to worry about things it is a waste of time and energy!
- I am also mad at myself for being so self centred when people have way bigger worries than me!
OK that feels good to get that off my chest! I am letting worries get to me, but I am not going to let them hide in my head, even if some are ridiculous or superficial to me they are real, and they are on my mind. But by getting them out there I am not going to let my worries beat me down.
Being honest about our fears and feelings is not always easy. I know I am not alone with my fears about things, but I also know I can not let them get me down. Sometimes by making ourselves vulnerable we are giving ourselves the gift of being able to breathe again without the weight on our chest.
What are you worried about right now?
Can you relate to any of my fears?
Do you find it hard to be vulnerable?
Love to hear your thoughts, so feel free to share in the comments section at the bottom of this page.
Thanks for joining me, love Mackenzie xx
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78 comments
I can so relate to this state of mind you are in. There are so many things I’m worried about and I am speaking about all that in my blog. From the dissatisfaction in my current job to being exhausted and feeling shortchanged for time, there are a number of things in my mind. So, I know how being vulnerable is like and that Dam analogy, I’m there with you my friend. I understand and can only say that don’t worry things will work out fine . Take care
Thank you lovely, I think I just need a mental holiday! I am letting the little stuff get to me xx
Being vulnerable is painful!
I’m a huge worry-wort, which runs on the maternal side of my family. Even when I especially try NOT to worry, I feel guilty about the hundred-and-one other things I am supposed to be doing. I find meditation can help, the Headspace app is fantastic.
Was great to link up this week on your #mg linky!
Cheers,
Louise@WillungaWino.com
I will have to download that App thank you so much for letting me know xx
Oh I completely understand this but having three at senior school I can honestly say that as long as you give your children the strongest roots at home they can survive anything. Family always wins over anything else that happens. If you can carry on providing that support and love at home you really will get through everything together. Also, I often find that what can be a huge drama one day becomes nothing the next – I’ve learnt to deal with the emotional rollercoaster of girls but just continue to be a support throughout. Nothing is ever as bad as you imagine it to be. Also, mine have had braces – the win here is that their teeth are now perfect! #MarvMondays
oh thank you so much, this comment has made me feel so much better xx
I could be you. The head is always buzzing with a hundred worries and some are the same as yours. The exam season continues for the third week and I am torn between pushing them and letting them be.
yes it is so hard to find balance somedays, trying to make the right parenting choices can be so hard. Good luck with exams xx
Oh you are not alone, I am terrible about worrying. It seems to get worse the more children I have. My daughter is in year 3 a long way from high school but I am still worrying about when she finally reaches there #MarvMondays
I know, I think once we become a parent we are forever going to worry xx
This was me last week – worrying about anything and everything. It feels good to write things down and get it off your chest. I too was mad at myself for worrying. I think I’d closed on on my own little world which is easy to do once you start worrying. Hopefully you writing this post will have eased those worries and it sounds like you have a close, supportive family. Thant will get you through #mg
oh thank you xx Yes writing them down has helped
I can relate to this, I suffer with anxiety and being a Mum is never easy, there is always something to worry about. My son starting high school was a major one for me, I worked myself up into such a state and actually he settled very quickly and loves it. I am worried about so many things right now, the biggest being a recent diagnosis of MS and the fear that I may not be around for my children as they grow. #mg
oh honey I had no idea about the diagnosis! Oh wow I am so sorry you are going through this! I am so shocked right now, oh honey I wish I had the words
Returning from #bigpinklink xxx
I feel you. As a mother we are probably all worried most of the time, about everything. I noticed that for me the most vulnerable times are right before that time in a month..Worrying too much can make you feel sooo tired. So, I’m learning not to worry so much. Things will work on themselves – worrying about it doesn’t do anyone any good..
#anythingGoes
that is the thing worrying does nothing to help and so I get mad at myself for worrying! Thanks for commenting x
This is me basically. I spend so much time worrying about things, things I can’t control. Being Mum means we worry more I think. #bigpinklink
I totally agree, being a mum is so hard
Sometimes our worries can really overwhelm us. I don’t think you need to worry about being “self-centered”, your worries are your reality! I think they are truly valid! It’s good to share them, you never know who might come across this and be inspired! I was! Wishing you all the best, especially with “BIG BIG school”….They grow too quickly! Thanks for linking up, hope to see you next week! #GlobalBlogging
oh thank you for such a lovely and supportive comment xx
This week I’m worrying about my middle son; he’s had top braces for a year and now suddenly they’re saying he needs them on the bottom too (after being told for the last year how lucky we were that he only needed them on the top). I’m worrying that he might not really need them and I’m not sure how to best advocate for him.
oh yes that is tricky, maybe you should get a second opinion. Good luck xx
Yes, I can absolutely relate to this! I too found it very hard to expose my vulnerable side and blogging has certainly helped with this. I’d not really thought about that until I read your post, so thank you! Your worries are understandable, although everything is so much worse when children are sick and we are tired. I feel really out of sync when one of the girls are poorly – it really throws me off track. When they worry, of course we take on those worries and silently magnify them. However, both yours and your daughter’s worries will not come into fruition. They have incredible induction programmes in place at secondary schools and they are experts at getting the new children settled in. The clown mask fear is a hyped up media craze. People will certainly get on the bandwagon with it, but it will pass, just like the white van abduction fear comes and goes. It is horrible while it lasts, but very much media led. Worrying is perfectly legitimate, but also exhausting! Try to put some worries in a box and put it away. Easier said than done, I know, and then breathe deeply and enjoy all those wonderful positives that also surround you. Thank you for such an honest post. Alison x #mg
oh honey this actually brought me to tears, thank you so much for such an amazing comment and advice I really needed this, and you are right the media does feed it all, many thanks xx
P.S Definitely don’t worry about the braces – they are so much the norm now, it’s considered weird when kids don’t have them! Two of mine currently have train tracks and they literally go unnoticed. Alison x #mg
thanks gorgeous x
Well I have four little girls…the worry will never stop will it.
Mine are little so I am just getting started freaking out!
oh gosh yes 4 girl would be freaking me out too, I worry so much with just 2!
I think its fine to feel vulnerable sometimes. I never feel shame showing up this side of myself over the Blog. It helps me to improve, to let go of the things and to vent out. Your worries will be short lived.
thank you this is so true
My lovely Mac, as long as we’re parents, worry will be a constant. Sometimes it feels intense, sometimes we’re afraid because we let it grow in our heads, and sometimes, we allow happy moments to minimize the worry. I think it is absolutely fine to worry. 🙂 We’re human, We care. We love. At the same time, know that it will all be okay. Perhaps you need to relax more. Sending you supertight hugs and love. My son’s 18, I know he’ll manage, I know he’ll be okay, but I go crazy with worry. I also worry about what’s happening in the world. And I do the little things I can to make lives better. I think you’re amazing, Mac. Mwwah!
oh thank you so much my beautiful friend, your supportive words mean the world to me xoxoxoxo
I think it’s good to open up and be honest about our worries and fears and I don’t believe in bottling things up. I’m lucky that I am married to my best friend and know I always have someone to talk to and vice versa. Thanks for joining us for #marvmondays x
oh what a lovely marriage, I agree I used to bottle things up, but i have learnt it is not the answer
aww sometimes it is just good to get it off your chest isn’t it. my hubby suffers migraine and it really takes it out of him. #KCACOLS
yes they are awful, and yes we do need to get things off our chest, thank you xx
I am totally worrying about the same things as you. My daughter starts high school next year too, I hate the idea of it although I know she’ll be fine. She may also need braces and I’m nervous for her because she feels nervous. I am worried about still be unemployed and that we aren’t bringing enough money in. The list is endless…… Sarah #mg (big hugs) xx
oh Sarah big hugs to you too, and thank you beautiful xx
I can totally sympathise with you, I always have so many thoughts and worries in my head and then get worried about worrying! My biggest worry at the moment is about leaving Ben when I return to work next month and how he’ll cope and how I can still spend decent time with him plus blogging plus working in London.
#kcacols
oh Ben is so beautiful and I can tell from your blog you are such a beautiful mum I know he will be fine xx
I too am a worrier. I worry about what I’m going to worry about next! It’s just something that’s in my DNA & there’s nothing I can do about it. I’ve learnt to live with it and no matter how many times my husband tells me to chill out. Nothing works. You are what you are. #anythinggoes
yes it is hard, I am the same and I see it in my daughter too x
I am a massive worrier so I can really relate to this – and the clowns are on my list too. Ugh why would people do that? I can totally understand why you’re worried about all those different things with your kids growing up. Mine are so much younger but I am already worrying about that stuff! I think listing them is a good idea, to try and work out which ones are ‘worth’ worrying about and see if some are beyond your control! xx #bigpinklink
great advice, it can be hard admitting we don’t have control, so worrying is usually such a waste isn’t it xx
I’m vulnerable today. It’s 15 years since my dad passed and I’ve re posted the letter I wrote to him last year on my Facebook and Twitter. It’s open and honest but one of my best pieces of writing. Sometimes it’s good, and therapeutic! #KCACOLS
so sorry to hear of your dad passing away, life can seem so hard at times, I am glad you find writing helps I do too xx
I am totally freaking out at the possibility of a Trump presidency. I know, I know, yeah me and half the country. It’s just so not like me to have much genuine emotion about politics. These are unusual times…
Yes that is such a scary thought!!!! I think the entire world is worrying that he will be president!
Sometimes it’s just good to get things off your chest and admit you have some fears and worries! I think it’s natural and we all feel these sorts of things. Especially the clowns!!! #GlobalBlogging
thanks Kat x
It’s so good to get things off of our chest, you’ve inspired me to write a list of things that are worrying me. I can imagine how scary it must be having your children start high school, but I am sure they will be okay because they have a great mom like you! I love this post for its honesty and vulnerability, thanks so much for sharing with #GlobalBlogging!
oh thank you so much Meagan xxxxx
I’m a worrier too! I think lots of us bloggers are; blogging is good therapy so it’s no wonder really! #KCACOLS
haha I love this perspective it is so true isn’t it!
You are not alone, I am also in the same boat – worrying too much and sometime unnecessarily too!
oh thank you Tina, yes it is hard being a worrier isn’t it!
Yes, can completely relate to many of these. I don’t like vulnerability because getting to that place of being vulnerable requires me letting my guard down, which I don’t do easily. I only let a few trusted souls in. Those whom I’ve allowed in have complete access to my thoughts and to my heart and they, too, have the power to break it.
yes it is so hard, we do open ourselves up to being hurt, but then when we close off we are still hurting aren’t we.
It can be so hard to put ourselves out there and share our vulnerability. I understand everything you are freaking out about, I don’t think we will ever stop freaking out when it comes to our kids, there’s always something to worry about, it’s all part of loving them so deeply x
#mg
so true Alana, I guess having them makes it all worth while xx
I’ve always found it really hard to be vulnerable and embrace my imperfections. It’s something I’ve been working on a lot. What I have found through being vulnerable, is that others open up to me me too. It’s a real gift.
Thanks for being vulnerable. I have similar worries every day – am I a good enough parent? Am I a good enough friend? Is my blog total rubbish? This list goes on.
#GlobalBlogging
Thank you for this comment, I agree it is a gift xx
I very much understand, I dont like appearing vulnerable – even when I need the support. I worry about everything 🙁 #AnythingGoes
oh it is so hard not to worry isn’t it
Oh Mac, I feel it too. My post this week is riddled with worry about time. Parents, we worry. Vulnerability is good when we feel safe. Have safe people with you and try to stay present. At least that is what I am trying! Oh, and If I could get this pesky election out of my brain! Oy vey… M’wah and hugs to you! xoxo #mg #GlobalBlogging
Thank you Lisa, yes that election AHHHH
Oh I can so relate to this. Anyone who says they don’t have worries is clearly a very lucky person! I worry constantly, what if I’m not doing a good job. What if something happens to him? What if people realise I’m not sure what I’m doing? Keep going though mama, like you said.. you’re not alone in feeling like this.
ps. also worried about the clowns. what the hell is wrong with people these days!? (but found it quite funny about your concern for the livelihoods of ‘good’ clowns!) #KCACOLS
haha thank you you made me smile when you said you found it funny that I worry about good clowns. Thank you for your lovely comemt too xoxo
Back for #globalblogging
I joke that I’ve inherited worrying from my mother but think it’s only natural. #MarvMondays
Yes true, I think it is natural xx
I worry a lot. I have some similar worries to you too. My daughter is starting secondary school next year too and I am worried she won’t make any new friends or she will get bullied, so many things and that’s on top of normal adult worries too! Good on you for letting it out and writing it down. It really feels better when you do doesn’t it.
Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday
Thanks Tracey, yes getting it down does help xx
Feeling vulnerable is really tough, I really struggle in times when I feel vulnerable but I know its only human to feel it occasionally. Reading your list I can definitely see why you’re feeling particularly vulnerable at this time. I hope you start to feel better soon. Thank you for sharing with #bigpinklink x
I really get how you feel! My daughter started senior school this year and it was dreading it. She was actually okay and it’s taken a bit of getting used to but we are all adjusting. It is such a worry though, Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes
Janet
Just coming back for a read and although I thought I had commented already I can’t see it here so here goes again.
I love this post. I used to feel this way a lot when I was younger but now I don’t really care that much about what others think of me. People that matter will always be supportive and so I take comfort in that.
As for worrying a lot. I still do that all the time and more so since having my kids.Like you I really worry about bullies. Still a while until I have to worry about boys and girls as my kids are still quite little but I’m sure that will be playing on my mind then. xx #mg
oh thanks Pat, yes as parents I think we will always find worries, we just love them so much xx
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