High school pressures

There is no doubting that the pressure on children to do “it all” is at an all time high. Between education, and extracurricula activities there is little time for much needed down time. I recently wrote a post talking about “me time“, asking what it even is, and how do we even find time for it. It is hard enough as an adult to find time for ourselves between our careers, children, commitments and acting like a taxi service! But ‘me time’ is so important to our physical, mental and emotional health! So if it is important for us, isn’t it just as important for our children?

The simple answer is ‘yes”! The problem is that we live in a highly competitive world where if our children aren’t rising to the top, then it is going to be hard for them to make a success of themselves. Where my children go to school, children don’t just do one extracurricula activity, they do 2 or more. Dance, Cheer leading, Football, Tennis, Basketball, Swimming and whatever else. Some children even see tutors, and not to catch up, but to excel. Not only is it expensive, it is exhausting!

When is too much actually too much? How much can children truly cope with? Below is an account that my nephew Max wrote. He started year 7 this year, he is 12 years old. (In Australia year 7 is the beginning of high school, or secondary school.) I asked him to share with me how he was feeling about starting high school, these are his words . . .

“Starting Year 7 (high school), was really hard because coming in from the primary campus is a lot different.

I thought that secondary would be in some form easier than primary but it wasn’t. It’s hard having to know where all your classrooms are and what you have on.

But the hardest thing I have found is the amount of homework that I get each night, it feels ridiculous. I can get up to 4 subjects a day. The teachers all say you only have to do 20 minutes of homework, but it is not like that. I’m always doing 1 hour for every subject, and I have to stop in the middle of it because I have other activities to do after school on certain days. The teachers don’t care about that.

Once I got a lot of English homework due the next day, but I couldn’t do it all because I had other activities on. I explained to the teacher and she said that’s not acceptable and that I still had to do it. But then I said to her I had CFA Juniors on from 6:00pm-8:00pm, and still I got a ‘’no I don’t care”.

I think most of the time half of my teachers think that they’re the only ones who can give us homework on that night, I also had Drama, Music and Science as well! At the start of the year the teachers where given a homework timetable to follow, but some teachers don’t follow it which is stupid of them because they’re meant to be setting an example to us younger children.

Also in secondary (high) school your recess and lunch breaks are shorter than they were in primary. And half the time I want to finish off homework, but by the time I get my books and finish eating before entering the library and setting up all my books the bell to get to class has already gone. Sometimes I don’t take my books and finish homework I just hang out with my friends, and then when the bell goes I run to my locker, and then I have to wait because all the older kids get there before me and take their time getting their things that they need. So sometimes I am about 1 – 2 minutes late.

At school we had a swimming carnival in the third week of school. I was not yet used to high school and they made us all get in the water. I was so confused about what I had to do that day. But I had a fun.

Just before the holidays my maths teacher said we had holiday homework and I said ‘’we are not allowed holiday homework”, but then she said “ I didn’t hear that from anyone” so then we got it. But then I complained to the Head of Learning and Teaching and she e-mailed her and we got no holiday homework.

  Written By Max. 

But isn’t high school all about fun?

At times for a teenager, school and the homework that comes along with it can be overwhelming. Tweens and teens are expected to do so much homework that the pressure can just be too much. It leaves them feeling overwhelmed and defeated before they can even make a start.

My children are still in the primary school sector. So far for us homework has been reasonable. Even on nights without homework our days are busy. I don’t get them home from school until nearly four o’clock as we live in a semi rural area and my children attend a private school half an hour from home. In the car they have a snack and a chat about their day. When we get home we are usually running out the door again. Some nights Aspen dances until very late, so it makes homework very difficult. When we get to high school we may have to reassess some commitments. On top of their already busy schedule I just want my children to be children. To ride their scooters, to chill out and play a board game, or even have time for a favourite cartoon. To read books for pleasure. To be free spirits. I want them to have some time to relax.

School can be fun. I know for me I made life long friendships. I laughed, I made awesome memories, and I look back at school as a positive experience. Of course being a teenager there was also drama, tears, confusion and pressure to succeed.

I agree that there should be some homework. There is a lot to learn in life and we need to teach our teens to be responsible, to manage their time and cope with the pressures of life. We cannot wrap them in cotton wool and they need to be able to cope with life’s pressures.But I disagree with leaving them with no time to relax and unwind. Doing homework up until bedtime, or past a reasonable bedtime is not healthy.

So is dropping any out of school activities or hobbies the answer?

I don’t think so. I don’t think children need to have activities on every night. But I think having interests outside of school is paramount to a teenagers well being. Depression and anxiety rates among teens is very high. Down time is a great way to de-stress. But that is not the only reason to do out of school activities. Exercise is so important for physical and mental health, and in a society obsessed with technology, sport and exercise are hugely important. Team sports, or belonging to a group or club is a great way for children to create bonds and friendships with children outside of their school group. This can be important for teens who are having trouble fitting in or making friends within their own school. Belong to clubs, or doing volunteer work also boosts self esteem and feelings of self worth. Activities such as Scouts, Girl Guides, volunteer Nippers or CFA clubs are fantastic!

Having out of school activities is also important for creativity. Expression through art, dance, music is great for children who have anxiety or just for teens to explore their creative side.

There is a great article on Anxiety in Children called ‘Anxiety in Kids: How to Turn it Around and Protect Them For Life‘. If you child is feeling anxious I suggest you read this.

What amount is the right amount?

Many experts seem to agree that an hour of homework a night is acceptable. It is always hard to judge though. What is an hours work for one student, can be half that for another, and triple that for someone else. Children work at different paces, and if someone struggles to understand a concept it can be hard for them to work on it without a teacher there for guidance. Not all parents are capable of helping their children to understand their homework, either due to work commitments, being busy with other siblings, household chores or a lack of knowledge on the subject themselves.

A great article I found, that I believe is a must read for all parents of children aged 10 to 18 is ‘Homework Horrors‘.

Our children are our future, it is hard hearing my nephew is struggling under a sea of homework, whilst trying to make new friendships, learn where to locate things and learning to cope with going from being the head of the school to the babies of the school. At 12 years old it is a lot to deal with. Resilience is a great thing to teach our kids and is crucial to them learning to cope with the pressure of adulthood, which scarily is only 6 years away for my nephew. I just think the school system needs to nurture not only academics, but also teach them to be well rounded human beings. As parents, aunts, uncles, grandparents we need to work hand in hand with the school system too. We need to respect and support one another. We need to encourage good study habits, healthy eating, a good sleep routine, exercise and creativity, as well as down time! And most importantly we need to be positive role models. To let them know we have been there, we know it isn’t easy, but that they will get through it. We need to let them know that we have their back, that they can talk to us about anything, and that together we can manage, and even thrive.

Click to Tweet: “Encourage your teen to have good study habits, exercise, healthy eating, play and rest time”.

We also need to remember that the school system is not our enemy, we need to be positive and watch what we say in front of our children. If our teenager hears us saying things like, “it is so unfair that they have all this homework.” Or, “this is too hard”! Then  naturally our children will have a negative attitude about their school, their teachers and about education. We need to be as positive as possible and set a good, mature example.

If you child is having trouble with understanding homework, speak to their teachers, see what can be done to help them. If they are unable to cope well with stress, seek help. There are times where our children can do this for themselves, but if you see them struggling then it is OK to step in and advocate for them.

Thanks for joining me, love Mackenzie xx

Want to join a great new LInky?

You will also enjoy

What would you say?

Happiness

Medicines on the benchtop

Rock Star! Who me?