I have to be a ‘good girl‘, if I am going to be liked. I have to sit quietly, not speak too loudly and certainly don’t be opinionated. My older sister always seemed so good at being the good girl, she was petite and sweet, played quietly and never seemed to get into trouble (at least until she became a teenager). If only I could just be more like my sister! Life would have been so much happier and easier if I was more like her.
OK so my perspective as a child may have been a bit off. Being 4 years younger than my sister I totally adored her. I looked up to her and saw her as everything I could ever want to be, and went as far as thinking everyone else wanted me to be just like her too.
As a child I lacked confidence, and I compared myself to everyone else, especially my big sister. Compared to her I felt noisy, annoying, and opinionated. Now I probably was a little annoying to my siblings, they were 4, 6 and 8 years older than me. I imagine being the youngest and what they considered spoilt I probably was annoying. And when my sister was hanging out with her boyfriend or friends at age 16 her pesky 12 year old sister who kept barging in was too noisy and again way too annoying.
My sister and I have always been the best of friends, we laughed together and made up the most ridiculous games and songs, but there is still no denying I was the pain in the butt younger sister.
Sometimes I wonder where I came from. Compared to my siblings I am kind of ‘out there’. I have all these words itching to come out, and as a child I was quite chatty and well a bit nutty (yes I even talked to the mop, her name was Molly of course). I was never that child to be seen and not heard. I was never the sweet girl sitting quietly, no I was the one chatting, or singing, or wanting to join in with what the grown ups were talking about.
For some reason this made me feel like I wasn’t a ‘good girl’. I began seeing myself as annoying, as too noisy and as someone whose opinion wasn’t really worth hearing. It wasn’t that anyone told me this, it was just something I decided about myself. A life script that I took on board and carried with me for most of my life.
I wanted so desperately to be a good girl, a quiet girl, a sweet girl. But deep down it wasn’t who I was. I had a voice. I had opinions and thoughts, I had a story. I shut my authentic self into a box, pushed her down. I put up with crap from people and became a real people pleaser. Along the way I lost faith in me, I strived so hard to be a good girl, the girl everyone could rely on that I lost sight of my own voice.
The thing is when you start finding your own voice, you start to learn new things about yourself. And guess what I realised? It wasn’t that I wasn’t a good girl, I was “good” all along, it was that my version, my views of what it means to be good was wrong. Good people can have opinions, they can have their own voice, their own quirks, in fact they can roar!
Good doesn’t equal quiet, good is about being yourself, being true to your divine being. Good is about having kindness in your heart, but not just to others, you must be kind and true to yourself also.
Having a voice, or an opinion doesn’t mean you are annoying, it’s a good thing, it makes us individuals, it makes us who we are meant to be. When I started writing again 6 months ago, I decided it was time to look up to me, it was time to be me. I was going to be raw, authentic and as opinionated as I needed to be in order to be heard. I am a good person, I have a good heart and being good can go hand in hand with having a voice.
My sister and I are still the best of friends, even if I annoyed her at times we developed such a strong bond as children that has lead to such a rich and beautiful adult relationship.
We all have things to say, we are all unique, sometimes we will share opinions and sometimes we wont. I have learnt that it’s OK to be different and we should celebrate and embrace those differences in one another.
It’s time to let the inner you ROAR, be heard and most importantly be YOU!
Thanks for joining me, love Mackenzie xx
This post was inspired by Write or Die Wednesday, find out more here.
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6 comments
This is such a wonderful post. It makes me sad that there was a time that you felt having a voice made you “not a good girl”. We each have the right to ROAR and be heard!
I’m glad that you were able to find your voice and be your true authentic self! I have felt that way myself and it’s definitely a difficult journey – but with a rewarding ending! 🙂 So glad you joined us, Mackenzie. xo
Thanks for sharing your story! And so glad you found your voice over time 🙂
I love this Mac!
“Good doesn’t equal quiet, good is about being yourself…”
I have to thank you for sharing this. My youngest daughter is full of personality, opinionated, adamant, and much of the time a bit on the wiggly side. I call her “Ants in her Pants Amaya” haha. I never want to inhibit that side of her cause I think she has a brilliant mind and has tons of spunk, and I think it will work in her favor as she gets older. However, sometimes I just want to say, “SIT DOWN, CHILD!” 🙂
You’ve reminded me that each kid has their own unique personality. Thank you! I’m gonna go kiss my babies now!
I have the same with my eldest daughter she is loud and crazy like her mum was, but as much as sometimes I wish she would quiten down, I also love it about her, she has spunk and I want her to embrace it. Thanks for your great comment
I think it is a shame young girls feel this way. I was the same as you Mac. I am the youngest and I was the pain in the arse to my sister 5 years older. Now she is one of the most important people in my life, but what I value most is how different we are. I am the loud, confident and ‘out there’ one. I take risks, and when I stuff up, she is there to help pick up the pieces. Then I go off again on my next adventure. I try to instil this determination and confidence in my daughter, and when she is a total ‘little miss’ I remember that is my perception, she is simply demonstrating the traits I desperately want her to cultivate. It is a fine line sometimes though to make sure she understands the power she holds in her personality.
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