Got the Mummy Guilts!

Okay so today I am suffering from the illness known as ‘Mummy Guilt’, it’s a not so rare condition that I am sure most mothers have felt, right? Let’s face it, for most of us this illness rears its ugly head from the moment we pop our little treasures out into this world, and for some of us (let’s be honest here, probably more than some,) it begins from the moment we get that positive pregnancy test result.

Symptoms during pregnancy may include; feeling guilty about eating a salad from a deli, or having that glass of wine, perhaps downing that ham sandwich you were craving, or popping the cracker with soft cheese in your mouth at that party. Perhaps you felt guilty about not being sure you even wanted a baby yet, or if you really wanted 5 children! Or maybe you found out you were expecting a boy or girl and you were really hoping for the opposite sex. Or questioned whether we should be bringing a baby into a world after we saw something devastating on the evening news report!

I remember feeling guilty for helping paint the baby’s nursery and then wondering if the fumes had damaged the baby we’d tried so desperately hard to be pregnant with in the first place! Then with baby number 3 I was hospitalized with what they thought at the time was clots on my lungs and they insisted I have a test which meant exposing my precious cargo to radiation. According to them I HAD to take the risk because I could be dying. I had the test, feeling more guilt than ever, and it was all clear, and now my healthy baby boy is 5 and I still feel guilty. I was so relieved when he was born healthy, but I still worry if it had some effect that may manifest later in life, (yes I tend to Catastrophize!)

Symptoms during Motherhood may include; crying in the middle of the night because you are so desperately tired and bub want STOP CRYING, (you may say to yourself “I feel so guilty, I love her/him so much I don’t want to seem ungrateful for this amazing gift, but I’m so damn tired!!!!!!!)  Or we may feel guilty for giving our baby a bottle, or for letting bub cry in the cot for five minutes just so you can have one coffee a week! Or take a shower because you are really starting to stink, and your hair looks like a commercial selling oil for a car, (let’s face it a girl needs a wash now and then! And a damn decent coffee! )

And it doesn’t stop at babyhood (sorry ladies if you thought that!) You feel guilty for going to work, for going out for dinner with girlfriends, having a night away, sending a sick child to school, saying no to the million things we have to say no to, (don’t stress, this actually puts you in the ‘good mummy’ category, it teaches them resilience apparently, as long as you don’t say no to loving them, hugs and positive reinforcement that is always allowed.) We feel guilty for yelling at them, guilty for giving something to one child and not the other. My parents still get parental guilt and now grandparent guilt. (Ahhhh, it’s hopeless we’re doomed!!!!!! Well I warned you that I catastrophize!)

So what am I feeling guilty about today, you ask, (or maybe you don’t ask, but I’ll tell you anyway.) It’s child number one, Aspen, you know the one I sent to school in tears the other morning, well I sent her to school Monday and Tuesday on her sore foot, come Wednesday I borrowed some crutches and she walked around on those all day. (Needless to say it was all super exciting to begin with, friends fussing over her, she was feeling cool, I mean she was rockin’ those crutches! Then the underarm pain set in, followed by wrist pain, and well exhaustion. she came home very tired and grumpy!!!! So doctor visit, and turns out she’s strained her Achilles tendon, apparently this is common in dancers, so yes when she should have been resting her foot, I was sending her to school, because I am such an awesome mum! (Not).

So yes I am suffering from the Mummy Guilt illness today and to help cure it what am I doing? I let my darling stay home! So I’m not sure how I rate on the resilience teaching scale, but she feels all special and understood, so that’s gotta be good, and I feel less guilty about sending her the other days, so win win, (just let me think that!)

Let’s face it we’re not perfect, we are mums, trying our best to be awesome mums, and awesome partners, sisters, daughters, work colleagues, bosses, friends, aunties, and much more. We make mistakes, we beat ourselves up and then hopefully we move on. We occasionally suffer Mummy Guilt, Motherhood is a journey, with twists and turns, devastating lows and concerns and amazingly beautiful surprises and highs. Shake off the guilt, love your kids and love your life, be you!

In the spirit of Taylor Swift, “shake it off!” Go on you know you want to sing it!

Thanks for joining me, love Mackenzie xx