Being a parent has it’s highs and lows, yes that’s right there are some lows. Why do people get so mad if we admit that being a parent is not always easy, it’s not always sunshine and roses? Why can’t we complain and say there are moments where we want to run out of the house screaming like a wild woman wearing her PJ’s, hair unwashed and God forbid armpits unshaven?
I get it, I do, there was a time where I thought I may never be a mum. After my first pregnancy ended in the devastation of an early miscarriage I was distraught and heart broken, my perfect dream had been shattered, and I wondered how any parent could ever be ungrateful enough to complain about their children. Then after my second pregnancy ended in a later miscarriage, after I’d seen my baby in an ultrasound, felt morning sickness and sore breasts, and then had my baby ripped from me before I ever got to hold her absolutely broke me. I felt like a Zombie and I feared I would never have a child. So I do understand that mothers sound ungrateful when we complain. I survived 3 miscarriages, followed by a body that shut down and stopped ovulating due to being stressed and heartbroken. I also watched and held one of my best friends hands as she went through IVF, I watched my sister in law deliver two healthy babies that were due the same week as two of my babies that I never got to hold. It was one of the most painful experiences of my life.
I am one of the lucky ones though, I know that. I am so grateful every single day for the 3 babies I have in Heaven and the 3 I have here in my arms. The baby I thought I would never have is now 11, followed by her sister now 8 and my little boy who is 5! I never take them for granted and I love them every minute of every day, but isn’t it OK to say there are moments were they drive me completely insane? Isn’t it?
When Aspen (miss 11) was born she was not an easy baby by any stretch. She cried a lot, she only slept in my arms, the whole advice to sleep when they slept, or shower while the baby sleeps, or eat, was not happening in our house. Sleep for me became a distant memory, she was either on my boob or in my arms all the time! I loved her cuddles, I loved her smell, I loved that she loved me above all else in the world, but night after night, day after day of walking her up and down the hallway took it’s toll on my emotions. I remember so clearly trying to sit down in a chair with her in the middle of a winters night because I was exhausted and she just started screaming again. I started to cry too. I was so tired and emotional and I just wanted to sleep. I felt this overwhelming guilt, terrible, horrible guilt! How could I be so ungrateful, I had wished, prayed, begged for this baby and here she was, safe and healthy and I just wanted her to sleep! What was wrong with me?
I realise now that nothing was wrong with me. Of course I wanted sleep, it didn’t mean I loved her less because I was complaining about having no sleep for days, no sleep is a form of torture after all. So yes us parents complain about things, and it doesn’t mean we are so completely ungrateful for our babies, we are grateful, very, very grateful! We are more than grateful, but we are also human.
You can love your husband, but still get annoyed at him, you can love your mum, but she can still drive you crazy sometimes, you can adore your dog, but still be mad if he pee’s or poops inside, and you can love your career, but need a day off sometimes! It is OK to complain! We all need a good whine sometimes!
Parenting for me has delivered the highest of high moments in my life. My kids make me laugh and cry tears of pride and joy, and I wouldn’t change them for anything in the world. Parenting has also been one of the most exhausting things I have ever done, the worry, the fear when they are sick or hurt, the heartbreak when they cry, the headaches when they fight and the worrying about how their lives will turn out. I am always asking am I doing enough, am I being a good enough role model?
So to all parents, step parents, carers out there I am saying it is OK if we need to moan sometimes, if we need to take a break and have a little ‘me time‘, we can never switch off fully from the concern, the worry, but we can know it is OK to sometimes say ‘being a parent was hard today‘.
Click to Tweet: Hey Parents! It’s OK to say “being a parent was hard today”.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this topic!
Thanks for joining me, love Mackenzie xx
Want to hear a man’s point of view, check out my Confessions of a Dad guest Post Here.
My 5 Parenting Highs and 5 Parenting Lows listed here on my Vlog Post.
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47 comments
What a moving post, Mackenzie. I’m so sorry for your 3 losses, I can’t imagine how devastating that must be. But, you are so right – parenting isn’t easy, there are some really hard days. Those first days when you have a newborn are so stressful and your body is wiped out. All you want to do is just sleep and heal, but you then feel the first pangs of mom guilt! You shouldn’t feel badly for having hard days, it doesn’t make you less grateful or less of a mom. Thanks so much for hosting #mummy&us x
Thanks Becky, yes those earl days can be so hard, but also the most joy filled. Being a parent has its highs and lows, thankfully the highs way outweigh the lows xx
Hugs! Yes, I think we mums can be too hard on ourselves. It’s almost taboo to vent and sometimes that’s just what we needed…to vent it out a bit.
Beautiful words, friend!
Thanks so much for the support beautiful xo
Such a moving post. Angel loss is so hard to deal with, you don’t think that anyone understands. Sorry for your loss, but it’s powerful to hear how it drives you to want to be a better parent. As parents we always judge ourselves so harshly. We also never want to admit it’s tough, it’s almost like a game of who can withstand the most crap. Some days I am good and can handle a barrage of rediculous questions and constant nagging, other days it just takes one minor hissy fit on my daughters part for me to erupt. The biggest challenge for me is to stop thinking that other parents are judging me and to remember that all parents have been there before and many parents to be still have it coming.
Absolutely! Thanks for your feedback
Like you, parenting has been my greatest and most challenging experience to date! It’s a roller-coaster of emotions and like anything that intense it can’t be all positive, all the time! I think it’s important to be honest about the downs as well as the ups, thanks for sharing yours!
Thanks so much for the support Lisa xo
I love this post. So sorry for your little angels in heaven but glad you have the 3 babes in your arms. I think at first it is just so exhausting and you think “what have I done??” but it’s all worth it. Just a complete roller coaster ride!! xxx
Being a parent means a lot of hard days. And a lot of amazing days 🙂
This was a very moving post. I think there is a fear out there that if we say something negative it reflects the rest of our feelings. I think being able to hold the conflicting emotions of life is a very important skill. And parenting is a place where that is very noticeable. Great post
So true, having a bad moment or day does not reflect on how I feel as a mother or how much I totally adore my children, thanks for your thoughts x
I agree that it’s ok to admit we have bad days as parents. Even the people with simple jobs or careers complain. Being a parent is hard work. Mentally and physically draining. But somehow all worth it …in the first 5 minutes after they wake up. So sorry you had to deal with loss on your path to motherhood but so glad you have a happy ending. Thanks for hosting #mummy&jus.
Thanks so much for a great comment, yes it is all worth it xo
Amen to all of that! I will look out for your link up now I’ve found it.
x Alice
#TwinklyTuesday
Absolutely link up anytime xx
I LOVE this post. What an absolute fantastic read. I have not had to go through the heartbreak you have but I still feel bloody guilty for having a moan about my son (and now being heavily pregnant with our second) but you’re so right, it is okay to have a moan every now and then. Kids can drive us crazy as much as anything else in our lives, doesn’t mean we don’t love them more than anything in the world!!!
Popping over from #twinklytuesday
Thank you for getting it! Your comment makes me feel loads better, I really feel you understand thank you xx
wow! this is a story! Im glad you had the chanxxce to raise 3 children. Sorry about your miscarriages. I struggles to get pregnant for many many years and having my little girl (just the one) is a miracle to me. Hopefully one day I can ave a second child too.
Angela xx
They are such miracles aren’t they. I am glad you have your precious daughter and hope you get your dream of a second little miracle xx
I love this post Mackenzie. I am so sorry for your three losses.
Your quite right. We should all remember that its OK to admit its hard sometimes, it doesn’t always have to be positive. We are entitled to a good moan lol. And if we don’t want to shave our armpits from time to time that’s OK too. : )
Thank you and yes why not embrace the hairy sometimes lol
Absolutely moving post, Mac. I didn’t know you’d gone through so much heartbreak and I respect you all the more for it. I had a similar breakdown with my daughter when she wouldn’t stop crying and I was sleep deprived and she was always at my breast at night. My in laws made me feel like a fool for getting so worked up, but I realise now I had every right to be, and it didn’t make me a failure. It’s hard being a parent, especially when you’re new to it. And then when you have another kid that’s a new experience where you’ll have to deal with them fighting. It’s not meant to be easy all the time, but it doesn’t mean we don’t love them. Great post xxx
We shouldn’t be made to feel guilty, being a new parent is tough, yes it is the best thing EVER, but it can be so hard at times to, we should know it is OK to need a moan sometimes. Thanks for stopping by lovely xx
Thanks for this. Sometimes I catch myself thinking that I shouldn’t moan and should be grateful etc etc, so it’s good to get permission to moan!
#TwinklyTuesday
You have my permission, we all need a moan sometimes!
Oh my goodness! I love your story! You had me crying and smiling. I feel your pain of losing children you never got to meet and I am so sorry you had to go through that 3 times. My oldest son was a twin which we lost the twin early on. That was very difficult. I couldn’t imagine going through it again. I did though….a year after he was born I became pregnant again and lost the baby. I am more than thankful for my children as they are all special in their own way. Thank you for sharing!
Kristen
Oh thank you so much Kristen, yes it is so painful to loose a baby and we are so blessed to have our wonderful children, sorry for your loses too, thanks for sharing with me xx
I totally agree with everything you’ve written here. I have been blessed with 3 beautiful children and I really do know how lucky I am. However, my three year old son has additional needs and my 18 month old has Congenital Hypothyroidism and a history of hip dysplasia. I have had messages from people I know telling me that I should be grateful for what I have because they can’t have children and that I don’t know how lucky I am. I really do feel for those people because it must be hard for them to sit back and listen to someone like me moaning, but some days are really really hard and somedays I just need to get things off my chest and I have a right to do that. Sorry for waffling on. Just trying to say that I get your post.
#twinklytuesdays
Waffle any time I love the feedback! Great comment and yes thank you for ‘getting’ it. We are not ungrateful, we are so very grateful but some days are hard!!! Thanks so much for coming by xx
Oh yes, parenting is the single most challenging thing I have ever done. Your story gave me tears in my eyes.
I think it is so important to talk about all the hard moments so that mums and dads don’t feel like they have to live to a certain standard.
Great post!
Becky xx
#Twinklytuesday
Yes so true! I loved you post too, so honest and something we all relate to!
I love the Tubblet dearly, but there are times when she drives me nuts! Parenting is the hardest job in the world.
I’m sorry for your loss seems rather inadequate somehow. Sending hugs
Thanks lovely, yes they can drive us nuts!
Great post, I am sorry to hear about the miscarriages, but its great to hear you have three lovely children as well as the ones in heaven :). I am going through a similar issue, only that we have been blessed once already for which I am grateful for. Sometimes I wonder if its selfish to want another. Thank you for sharing and I completely agree sometimes its okay to moan and admit its a bad day – otherwise how could we possibly appreciate the good days 🙂 #TwinklyTuesday
It is to selfish at all! Yes you are blessed to have one child but that doesn’t stop you aching for another, good luck hopefully you will be blessed again soon xo
This is a brilliant post – so honest. And yes it is not just children but husbands, parents, sibling and colleagues who drive us demented at times.
You are very strong to have kept going after three losses. I can’t imagine it and know I am very lucky to have had no pregnancy issues at all.
#TwinklyTuesday
Fionnuala from http://www.threesonslater.blogspot.com
Thank you for you kind words. Yes they can all drive us demented can’t they!
I could have written this myself. I had a very similar journey to you Mac. We also saw the heartbeat of baby number two — then the next time we went for a scan the baby had died. My sister announced her pregnancy just 4 weeks after I had the D&C. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so sad and defeated in my entire life. I was pregnant with the twins the following July and *thankfully* we got to where we are today.
Nothing about conceiving a child was easy for me. But motherhood has come naturally — it’s a bloody shame it took so long. I’m too old really to have any more children now though, sadly; it took 8 years to get the ones we have.
The bad days of parenting are really hard — there’s no doubt about it — but nothing is as hard as the days when we were childless and the odds were stacked against us ever having a baby. Those were the hardest days I’ve ever lived through.
Thanks so much for linking up with #TwinklyTuesday — hope to see you again next week! x
Caro | http://www.thetwinklediaries.co.uk
I am so sorry for all you had to go through, it is so heartbreaking. Thank you for understanding what I was saying and you are so right that nothing now is as hard as those days were. Love your link, thanks for the support xx
My son is like Aspen. My neighbors would comment on how strong my son’s lungs are as they can hear him when he cries. But I love him. Like you his smell give me a high.
This is such a lovely read. Thanks for sharing and for trusting us readers with your story.
#twinklytuesday
I really appreciate this comment thank you, I hope your son settles soon xx
Sorry for your losses. There are days that are easier than others without a doubt! Xxx
Absolutely xx
Such a good post. Thanks for sharing your journey, I can’t imagine what that must have been like, I admire anyone who has the strength to keep going.
Guilt seems such a constant when you’re a mum, especially when you’ve been through something hard with your children, you know how precious they are and feel even more guilty for feeling annoyed/stressed/down/you name it!
But you’re right, we all have bad days and it’s ok to admit to that and have a moan. Sometimes it’s what you need to get through it. At least we know the good times will follow and we’ll be laughing and smiling at our gorgeous little one’s again soon!
Loving this linky #mummy&us xx
I’m so glad that you are loving this linky, and thanks so much for the great comment I agree with everything you say here
Absolutely love this! Very well said. Frustration happens to the best of us and sometimes we just need to vent. 🙂
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