I know what ‘giving up‘ feels like, I know how it made me feel about myself, I remember the feelings of inadequacy, disappointment and self loathing.
I already know what giving up feels like. I want to see what happens if I don’t.
Neila Rey
I got to a point a couple of years ago where I was too familiar with what it felt like to give up, to be a ‘quitter’, that’s how I felt, I felt like I was a quitter. Anything that challenged me too much was just easy to avoid, to pretend that it didn’t matter. I was happy enough, right? No actually I wasn’t happy! How could I be happy when I was calling myself a quitter? When I was putting myself down all the time? I mean who can really be happy when they are being put down every day whether it is by someone else, or themselves?
No one else was calling me a quitter, just myself. I was my own worst enemy, and sadly so many of us are! We build up patterns over years, a lifetime of telling ourselves we are not good enough, or we don’t deserve good things. I had good things and good people in my life, yet I felt I didn’t deserve them. I felt I was living in a very fragile bubble and any day it would burst! I mean how could I be so lucky, how could I have an amazing man who loved me and 3 amazing children when I wasn’t worthy of any of them? At least that is what I thought, I thought I wasn’t worthy!
But that is the thing about thoughts, we actually have power over them!
I had heard that before, that we have power to change our thoughts, but hearing it, or knowing it on an intellectual level is very different to actually believing it deep inside of yourself. But I began to think ‘what if it is true? What if I could change the thought patterns I had spent a lifetime building?’ If it was possible to break the cycle of negative self talk, feelings of inadequacy, and stop feeling like a quitter wouldn’t that be pretty amazing?
To love myself, to believe I deserved good things did not come naturally to me, like I said it was a lifetime of feeling like I am not good enough and I am not deserving, so it wasn’t going to be as easy as just deciding I was going to start loving myself and bam it happened! But anything worth having is worth putting in the effort for! My natural mentality though was to quit wasn’t it? I mean that’s what I told myself, I was a quitter!
But when I stopped and really looked at what I had given up on in life suddenly the proof said otherwise. Somehow stopping and just being silent and actually looking at the facts as opposed to the emotions I realised that I wasn’t the quitter I was saying I was, my mind and emotions was over ruling the cold hard facts. What I was telling myself and feeling about myself was not the truth.
But somehow these things didn’t seem to matter because I was focussing on the things I gave up on rather than the things I didn’t give up on. Yes I have quit things, and given up on things, but does that actually mean I am a failure? Of course not. It is easy to know that on an intellectual level, but when emotions are involved we often feel bad about ourselves when we decide to move on because something became too difficult. But the truth is there are times we need to give up on things, there are times in our lives where it is unhealthy, or unsafe for us to keep pursuing something just so we can puff out our chest and say “I am not a quitter!”
There are times where givng something up is the right choice. We take vows that our marriage will last, we make promises that we will never give up on a relationship, but when you leave because something feels wrong, it is unsafe, or is making you miserable I don’t see that as quitting I see it as succeeding!
The same goes for many things in our lives, whether it is study, career, a bad habit, relationships or anything else, if it is making us miserable, causing us pain either mentally or physically then letting it go is not quitting in a negative sense, but quitting in a positive sense. Which in turn is succeeding.
I think you have to be able to step back and clearly evaluate how much something is worth fighting for and obviously that will depend on who is involved and what the situation is. There is no doubt that some things are worth fighting for more than others, and things like our physical and mental health are high on the list of what is worth fighting hard for. Our children is another one, they deserve to be safe and their well being is worth fighting for and not giving up on.
There will always be times in our lives where we are thrown a challenge and we have to evaluate how much we want what we are working so hard for. If it is simply to please or impress others then you will have to do some soul searching and discover if this is just a ‘superficial want‘ and not something that is worth putting yourself through stress and pain for.
When something is causing us huge anxiety, when you wake up feeling sick, have a sore stomach all the time, can’t sleep, can’t eat then you really need to think if your goal is worth it. At times the answer is yes, when you are reaching for a goal that matters it isn’t always easy, but at other times the answer is no. Giving up on things that are causing you great distress is sometimes the best decision. Really way up why you are striving for this goal and how it will improve your life.
My goal 2 years ago was to get healthy mentally, to stop being so critical of myself and to start believing I deserve the good things in my life. It hasn’t been an easy journey, it has meant digging into some really painful memories and facing them. It has at times felt like an impossible mission, but 2 years on I can honestly say I believe I deserve happiness, that I am a good person who deserves great things. 2 years ago I doubted that I could be where I am now, but here I am stronger, healthier and happier. I had to evaluate how important this goal was to me, and I knew this wasn’t something I could quit because I knew I had to fight for my happiness. I am still working on myself, like I said a lifetime of negative self talk takes a lot of work to get over, but this is a fight I am determined to not quit, and I am happier for that every day.
If the goal we are striving towards will make us happier, healthier and a better person then we should go for it! If not, then we should not be afraid to let it go and give ourselves a healthier goal to work towards.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this so please leave me a comment below.
If you enjoyed this post you may enjoy;
Are you speaking the wrong language?
Are you hungry for a better life?
Thanks for joining me, love Mackenzie xx
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64 comments
I resonate with what you’ve shared here Mackenzie… training the monkey mind is a must! ♥
it really is, it is life changing. Thanks for commenting
Another gorgeous post, MacKenzie. The topic hit particularly close to home this week.
The dance company I work for is in season right now and even though I have made noticeable strides compared to where I once was in terms of obsessive dieting, overexercising, etc., reading your post made me realize that negative self-talk is still there regardless of whether or not I say it in a joking manner or in in a way to push myself harder.
In rehearsals a lot of my old habits come back. For instance, wearing a tank top over my leotard so I don’t have to look at my waist in the mirror, always apologizing to my partner for being “heavy” in lifts, and it doesn’t matter that I have an injured hamstring, I get so frustrated with myself when my leg doesn’t get as high as I know it can go.
As you stated, it takes a lot to work through those issues and it doesn’t happen overnight. I truly admire you for consciously going after happiness, focusing on your obstacles and being willing to go through some pretty painful times trusting you’ll be better for it on the other side.
Your perserverence is beyond inspiring. Two years and you’re still going strong. And although you are continuing to work, I can only imagine how good it feels to know how far you’ve come!
I feel I still have some caca to work through even before I can start chipping away at the grit and grime keeping me from the happier, healthier version of myself. Baby steps:-)
Thank you so much for hosting the linkup. And thank you for having such a beautiful and compassionate soul. Have a wonderful week, MacKenzie! Xo
Thank you so much this comment has really meant so much to me! I have seen some of your dance on Instagram you are amazing! You have every reason to be so proud of yourself and how far you have come. Believe me I know all about the negative voice, keep working on loving yourself and nurturing yourself you are so worthy of great things and love. Thank you again for this comment xx
Oh wow. I did NOT realize how long that comment was!!! I am so, so SORRY! I was just blabbering on and on!
I am so glad you felt comfortable to share with me lovely, your comment meant so much!
What an amazing post honey! I love your attitude. Of course these things do not make you a failure; they make you stronger and enable you to grow. You do deserve all the happiness dealt to you, you have an amazing spirit and we must simply take things one day at a time, even when some of those days are a bit harder than others. xxx #candidcuddles #mg
thank you for such a supportive comment, it means a lot xx
Sometimes quiting is the easiest thing to do but sometimes it’s the thing we have to do to get on in life #mg xx
totally agree lovely, sometimes giving up can be the hard choice
You have NO idea how much this resonates with me. I would love to have a chat with you sometime. Thank you for #mg xx
Thank you so much for linking up, love to chat with you anytime.
There are times when we simply have to quit at things and accept that…and it doesn’t necessarily mean a failure. I had to quit my first marriage something I only wish I’d done sooner or not at all (but then I wouldn’t have my daughter). My biggest quit was knowing there was nothing more that could be done to save our boy and I knew we needed to stop putting him through procedures that were just causing more pain. Jeez, that was a bit deep! #mg
You made the most difficult decision a parent can make, there is no quitting there, you did what you had to do as a parent who loves her son more than anything. Much love honey xx
I totally agree Mackenzie. It took me a long time to realize that Failing doesn’t mean you are a Failure and we can learn and grow from our failures in a positive way. Thanks for your beautiful words and hosting such a caring party xx
Thank you so much for your support and kind words xx
Hi Mackenzie, giving up on something doesn’t mean you’re a quitter. Life changes, we change and sometimes that means that our goals change too, so giving up on things happens.
Changing the way we think isn’t such an easy task, but it sounds as if you’ve come a long way in two years. We are worthy, we just have to believe it.
xx
so true Debbie we really just have to believe it deep down xx
what a brilliant post! we’re always judging ourselves, and being negative when we can turn things round if we just took some time out to think a little more positively. love this #mg
oh thank you! We can turn things around, it’s not easy but we can’t give up on ourselves x
Another WOW post. Quitting should and be seen as a positive move. In some sense, I am afraid of asking or thinking I deserve the good things in life. I think it’s partly down of how I was brought up, that the expectation that you should put your head down and just get on with it. I have had many a stern conversations with myself and sometimes I look at my own life and I only see the negatives. That is something I want to change and quit! Thanks for sharing this beautiful post, Mac! Always uplifting to read one of your posts. #mg
Thank you for such a flattering comment it means a lot coming from you. Yes you do deserve good things, you really DO!
Very true, mind over matter, my mum always tells me that. It’s hard but we have the power! #mg
it is hard, but you are right we have the power
This is so, so true! Having recently decided to call time on my own business (selling children’s clothes online which I’ve been doing for the past 8 years), it didn’t feel at all like I was quitting. I was able to rationally step back from it, evaluate it the pros and cons and what I wanted from it/what it could give me. I started years ago before we found out we couldn’t have children, so that if we did have a family I could quit work and do that instead.
Fast forward all these years, we can’t have a family, I no longer hate my full-time job and we have our dream, forever home which we never imagined would be possible. In those 8 years priorities have changed so much that the business became an energy-draining hobby and not something I enjoyed. So what’s the purpose of keeping it? It’s very hard to separate the emotions but once you do, it feels AMAZING!! In the same way we can choose to be happy and positive, or choose to be miserable and negative. Love this post, thanks for tweeting X
Such a great outlook, I imagine it was hard decision for you, but so glad you were able to make the right decision! It can be hard to let things go, but it really can be the best decision
Wow, such a strong and powerful post. I can really appreciate everything that you are saying in this post about the feelings surrounding quitting and how sometimes the action of quitting is more than that. I quit my teaching career so I could stay at home with my children. However, I didn’t see it as quitting, I was walking away from something that was taking me away from my children and as a result making our family unit unbalanced. My friends and workmates couldn’t understand and kept asking why I would want to quit a successful career. However, I came to realise that success in your job doesn’t buy you happiness with your family and family are more important. I agree that sometimes we have to quit to be happier 🙂 #mg
I totally agree and am so glad you found the right balance for you and your family xx
A lovely reminder that we should all feel worthy of what we have. I definitely don’t, sometimes. And you’re right, quitting is not always the wrong thing to do. I sometimes fail to quit things I probably should! #mg
I think it is so easy to keep pursuing things for the wrong reason, we are afraid of being a quitter yet really it is the best thing for us
It can be so hard to get out of a cycle of negative thought patterns and start seeing things from a different point of view. I think part of the process is first recognising that is what you are doing, rather than just believing all the negative things you automatically think. I think CBT can really help and I know a few people who I wish could do what you are doing and start to realise that things can be seen and thought of differently. Well done for starting down the path of being more positive – I really hope you have a much happier life because of it 🙂 #fartglitter
Thank you so much Sarah, it is a hard path, but the results are worth it
I always love your posts, they are a breath of fresh air, and I continue to find inspiration in each and every one of them! You are completely right with making a distinction between giving up on something because it is wrong, or damaging to you to keep going, and calling this a triumph, to giving up on things because your negative mind constantly tells you that you aren’t good enough. I too have struggled with self doubt, and a shocking lack of confidence, for my entire life. I’m blighted by it as much today, as I was as a ridiculously shy child, who struggled to talk to anybody. It is something I’d desperately love to change, but also just really don’t know where to start! Did you read any particular books, or do any courses to start changing your mindset? I’d love some advice!
Thanks for sharing with #bigpinklink.
Thank you what a lovely comment, it means a lot to me. For me my writing became a great source of gaining more confidence, allowing myself to be honest and open up has helped me accept who I am and also realise I am not alone in the way I think and feel. I find mindfulness helpful and finding a balance between getting fresh air, drinking water, being social even when it is easier to say no to things and hide away. I had to push myself very hard to be more social and it has helped. Also looking at the evidence when I say negative things to myself and talking to myself like I would a friend. I have done a course on listening skills and found it helped a lot too, as it made me realise that I need to open up more and find people who actually listen to me. I did the course to help others but discovered so much about myself.
You’re so right lovely. So many of our behaviours are driven by our thoughts and if we think that we are unworthy or not able to succeed it becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. You certainly don’t sound like a quitter to me. Sometimes quitting is absolutely the right thing to do, and it often takes strength, courage and wisdom to see this and act on it accordingly. Another beautifully written post lovely. I can really identify with a lot of your writing. Thanks for linking with #fartglitter x
So true it does become a self fulfilling prophecy! Thank you for your supportive comment xx
I am getting much better at beating that negative voice. I am worthy. It’s is a shame that it takes half a life to realise it. Onwards and upwards xx
yes so true, I wish it was something I learnt a lot earlier, but better now than at 80 lol
Oh hun,you have no idea how this spoke to me! I have been my own worst enemy for so long, and even though as I get older I have worked hard to gain self confidence I still battle to keep a positive attitude now! This blogging endeavor has been another journey in forcing yourself to believe in myself and keep pushing even on the hard days or the sad days or the days that no one comments or cares (in my mind) Keep going hun!
I find blogging such a great help too. We have to keep working on ourselves and keep believing we are worth of happiness. Don’t judge yourself on whether or not people comment, it doesn’t mean that people are not reading, some people just are not comfortable leaving comments. I think it is easy to judge ourselves on stats and comments with blogging, but we need to blog for ourselves and our own therapy. It is great if it reaches people, but I don’t even look at stats these days. Thank you though for this thoughtful comment, much love xx
You have come so far & should be so proud of yourself. Now you inspire others! Being comfortable & happy with yourself is so important & sometimes not easy to do. I do agree that sometimes stopping something is the right thing to do, it’s not always quitting – but changing direction or lightening the load can be important too! #MG
so true Becky! Thank you xx
I love this and can identify with it on so many levels. For me, I have had to battle with quitting or carrying on my whole life, through illness, mental health issues, my marriage, my quest for another child, there has always been a battle inside my head of whether to give up. I’m so glad that I never quit, even when things were tough, I think sometimes we are far stronger than we ever believe. #mg
we are stronger than we believe I agree!
Such beautiful and meaningful words, your posts always strike a chord with me. Just thank you. #bigpinklink
Thank you so much xx
This post automatically brought tears to my eyes. My son turned a year old today and I am so grateful to have him. His birth was what took me out of a dark dark place where I had been residing emotionally for years. Self esteem, rejection, anxiety, and OCD issues. After he was born I realised we both deserve a good and happy life, so I began my personal growth journey and have started speaking positive affirmations to myself. This is why I started writing/blogging. To finally express myself.For each nice thing I say to myself, another 100 negative ones pop into my head but I am getting better. I am so glad I came across this post today. Your words really inspire and encouraged me some more, and like you, I am determined not to quit. Much needed read today, thank you so very much!
#ABrandNewDay
so glad I was able to help today, dealing with anxiety and OCD is a hard task, but it sounds like you are working at it and that is so brave and wonderful. You deserve to be proud of yourself and keep saying those positive affirmations!
I’m so glad to hear that you’re now in a much happier place.
Sometimes we need to change paths to get to where we need to be.
A very inspirational post.
Thanks so much for joining in with #MMBC x
thanks so much x
Great post! I did a lot of work in my late 20s on changing my thoughts and self talk. I read books, listened to audio books on my commute to work, did affirmations, etc. Then I hit a roadblock when I had my first child, and another (bigger) roadblock when I had my second. I’ve felt like I’m treading water just to keep up with life, and my personal development took the back burner. I’m finally starting to focus on it again. #mg
so glad you are starting to focus on it again, you deserve to be happy so keep working on it, baby steps xx
I found myself agreeing with a lot of what you have said and think it’s not just a case of bettering ourselves for all the negativity we have cast upon ourselves but a continuous learning journey. You should never ever put yourself down. Nor should you let other people. When you start swimming in the opposite direction to someone/everyone else then it’s probably likely that you should look to do something else right? Sometimes we stay with things hoping there’ll be change when really it’s time to knock it on the head and say enough is enough and move on releasing yourself from the hurt and distress that has occurred. #mg
I totally agree Helena thank you for commenting x
A very touching piece of writing. I’m interested to know what techniques you’ve used over the past couple of years in order to cultivate self-compassion. Mindfulness really helps me. #ABrandNewDay
Mindfullness was a big part of my journey in the beginning, I don’t tend to practice it as much as I did, although I would like too dedicate more time to it again. Writing for me has been a huge help, whether on the blog or working on my novel, I just find writing helps me settle my thoughts. Juts being kinder to myself and realising I need to get sleep, rest and eat well helps too.
What a beautiful post – I love it!
I think self-love is so important. I used to have a friend that wanted to be in a relationship all of the time as she wanted to have the ideal family life but she didn’t believe in her self-worth. I always remember saying to her, until you’re happy within yourself and realise your self worth, you are never going to be happy in a relationship. She eventually took my advice and loves herself a bit more now. It took a while for her. I always think that’s why my relationship works because in order to be loved, you have to have some of that self-love for yourself. I hope this makes sense!
Thank you for reading my post earlier in the week through the #AnythingGoes linky.
It’s great to see you run your own linky too, so I’ll certainly be linking up in the future.
Great to finally read your post!
Janet #AnythingGoes
Oh thank you, I would love to have you on board with my linky xx
You have come a long way, such a brilliant post and what a goal to strive for. I am so glad it’s working for you. You are completely right, giving up shouldn’t be a bad thing if giving up the thing that is causing your stress. We should all create goals to make us happy. I can relate this to blogging in a way, I’ve blogged on and off for years. I’ve always quit, this time though I have something I am enjoying blogging about and don’t want to quit. It’s making me happy! thanks for sharing with #abrandnewday
so glad it is making you happy Karen, I feel the same way.
Amazing post lovely. I think over coming the negative thoughts can be so difficult but it feels amazing when you finally do it and are happier than you’ve ever been. You’re a lovely lady and definitely deserve all the goods things you have in your life. Like you said, sometimes giving up doesn’t mean you’ve failed, it’s just something you need to do sometimes to get to a better place xx #mg
Thank you for the supportive comment Wendy. I agree sometimes it really is about getting to a better place, we all deserve that xx
…and again from #AnythingGoes xx
Great post. I think I began to truly love myself again when my ex broke my heart. Thank you for hosting. x
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