help your family lead a healthier, happier & less stressful life.

We have all heard the importance of getting ‘back to the table‘, of spending time chatting over dinner and eating as a family, but do we all do it? How often do you sit at a table and eat a shared meal? And when you do all sit together, do you spend that time having quality conversation?

For some children there is no holding back, they eagerly chatter away and fill you in about everything that has happened in their day, but for others it isn’t so easy. When I pick up Aspen who is 11 from a friends or from school she loves to give me a detailed minute to minute account. We live a good forty minutes drive from school and she can fill the entire drive with non stop chatter. But other days, when she may be a bit down, stressed or had a tough day at school she is impossible to get a word out of. I ask her what’s wrong and all I get back is “I’m fine”. Clearly this is when I know she is ‘not fine‘. 

Making time to chat with our children, or our partner is crucial to keeping relationships healthy and strong. It shows them we are interested in their lives and in their opinions and feelings. In our busy lives we often lack that precious time we need, often by the time we finish work, cook, clean and the kids get homework done we are just to exhausted to have a meaningful chat. 

Some days during the week it may be hard for everyone to eat together. If one parent is working late or someone has a dance class or sport practice that clashes with a meal time. But we need to make a solid effort to get back to the table as a family at least 3 nights a week. The more the better! And even if we can’t all be together, the ones that are home should eat together. 

The benefits of this are huge and really do last a lifetime. The more we encourage our children to chat with us about their day the more they will continue to open us to us when they are teenagers and when they leave home. It also helps them make better friendship choices and relationship choices, and can actually lessen their chance of relationship breakups down the track. Not only that, it also helps them communicate better in the workplace and have a happier, healthier, less stressful life. 

Nothing makes a family stronger or happier than communicating with one another in a positive way. The more we feel listened to, understood and appreciated the happier we are and the stronger our relationships are. Talking together as a family promotes gratitude, understanding, acknowledgement of others, love and respect. These are all key ingredients to a happier life. Here are some tips on how to start improving conversation around your dinner table.

• Make sure everyone gets a chance to speak. It may not always be equal time, but everyone should feel acknowledged.
• Listen. It is just as important to listen as it is to speak! Listen to what your partner or child is saying. Don’t interrupt, encourage them to expand on their story but asking questions that show you are listening and wish to hear more.
• Don’t force it. If you have a child who finds it hard to speak let them ease into it. Not all children or adults will open up straight away, that is OK. Never make a child feel bad for not knowing what to say. In time they will get more comfortable talking. Maybe try some extra alone time with this child. Sometimes when children have a boisterous sibling they feel their opinions don’t matter as much, it takes time and encouragement from you to let them know they matter! Also remember that there are days where someone won’t feel like joining in, that’s OK we all get in moods where we don’t feel up to chatting or sharing, maybe try a one on one chat later. Teenagers can often feel it is embarrassing especially if this is not something they are used to. Don’t force them, they will join in eventually, give them a little extra understanding, it is a very confusing time for them. But the more we share meals and talks with them the more comfortable they will become. Patience is the key.
• Ask the right questions. You know your family best, ask them questions that allow them to open up about their day, or their feelings on different topics. I will provide some examples below.
• Be genuine. People know when you are not interested. Children are highly observant, make sure you show interest in what they are saying, make them feel important. If they don’t feel you are interested they will soon close up and not bother to open up to you in the future.
• Let them know you can handle the tough stuff! If they have have something they are afraid to say but are brave enough to share then don’t jump down their throat. Let them know you are proud of them for opening up and always praise them for telling the truth. If the topic is not appropriate in front of the whole family, tell them you will talk about it in private with them, and make sure you do. If they say something that is upsetting let them know you are strong enough to handle it. You don’t want your kids to feel they need to protect you from the tough stuff. It is OK to let them know something upsets you or you are disappointed in something, but let them know you can handle it and you are proud that they opened up.
• Respect. Make sure you show each other respect. take turns to listen to each other and respect that you won’t always all agree. There is nothing wrong with people in the same family having different opinions! Respect each others right to disagree and be open to hearing new things.

Having family conversations will strengthen your family bond, it will teach you all to be more understanding, tolerant, patient and will make you all a lot happier. But what do we talk about? Here are some questions;

• What was great about today?
• What did someone do that you found funny?
• Did something magical happen today?
• Tell me something that made you smile today?
• Can you name something you feel grateful for?
• Is there anything you feel you want to talk about?
• Did you see anything upsetting today?
• What is your favourite thing to do on the weekend?
• Who is your favourite singer right now?
• Did anyone make you feel mad today?
• Did you do something to help someone today?
• Did you see anyone do anything nice for someone else today?
• Who was kind to you today?
• Did you see how pretty the garden is looking?
• What are you proud of?
• Where do you think you would like to visit on the next holidays?
• What do you think about different cultures?
• What goal are you working towards right now?
• If we made up a new family tradition what would you want it to be?
• What did you do today that made you proud?
• If you could dye my hair what colour would you make me dye it?
• What book are you reading? Do you like the main character?
• Who inspires you?

Of course different ages require different questions, and you will know best which ones will suit your family, but use these sample questions as a guide and make up some of your own. Be creative and have fun talking at the dinner table. Conversations don’t all have to be serious you can make up silly questions, anything that gets your family communicating is positive. And remember conversations are not limited to the dinner table, get talking any chance you get.

Do you have any questions that get your children chatting away? Share you thoughts below, I would love to hear them.

Thank you for joining me, love Mac xx