Every Flower Blooms In Its Own Time
Ken Petti
There is so much going on in the world right now that leaves many of us confused and disappointed. My 12 year old daughter asked me a few nights ago why women are not treated equal to men, and I was left speechless, which is unusual given I am a writer and words usually flow so easily for me.
We live in a time now where we are more fortunate than we have ever been to be a woman, but that is easy for me to say when I live in a country where woman can vote, wear what we like, and have amazing careers. Yet still we can not earn what man can earn, we are still referred to as the weaker sex, and we are seen as sexy more than smart.
I tell my daughter that women are smart, brave, powerful, beautiful and strong, and we are, yet I can not count how many times I was touched inappropriately when I would go out with my friends to dance. How many remarks about my body I received every time I went out, or was at the beach. How many times growing up I was referred to as doll, and sexy, or how many comments my breasts received!!
For the most part I consider myself easy going, I never complained about little remarks, or made a fuss about comments about my body. Unless someone was overly inappropriate I was happy to just let it fly. But now as a mother of an almost teen I am staring to see the world differently.
Last week my daughter had her orientation day with her school friends to meet all the new students she would be in high school with next year. And as a mother this both made me immensely proud, happy and excited and also terrified. My little girl who was once scared to leave my arms is growing up and becoming a beautiful, amazing, strong, intelligent young woman. I am so proud of how far she has come. She has always been very bright with an immense thirst for knowledge, but she struggled with confidence and believing she is good enough. But slowly she is beginning to bloom, people who see her now, who haven’t seen her for many years can not believe the girl who would barely speak is now confidently giving speeches and performing on stage.
People questioned how I was raising her, and they made me doubt myself and my parenting. Was I not pushing her hard enough, was I offering too many hugs when she cried, was I not a good enough role model? But the truth is I was there in the background telling her she could do anything, that she was so clever and brave, that she was strong, funny and talented. I was there telling her that she was loved, and that she could go out into the world and know that there was always a soft place to come home to. She needed to bloom in her own time and she is.
Am I scared for her when I see what is happening in our world? Yes I am, I am terrified for all girls and even for boys, but even though there is not equality and there is turmoil and confusion in this world I have to let her grow. I have to keep telling her that she can achieve amazing things, that she is strong and smart and that she should be proud to be a young woman. I have to give her all I can to help her grow, and I also need to stand back a little and watch her continue to bloom on her own.
As parents, uncles, aunts, friends and grandparents we need to keep encouraging our youth to be brave, and to believe that they can make this world a better place. We need to light the way with love, compassion and tolerance, and we need to allow them the freedom to grow.
What are your thoughts? Do you have any advice as to what I should tell my daughter? What do you tell your children about equality?
Thank you so much for joining me xx
61 comments
Really good post. I don’t know what I would say if one of my daughters asked me that question. The world is such a crazy place right now.
#EatSleepBlogRT
thank you, yes it is so hard to know the right words xx
This world is a scary place. How do we explain that to our children? I have no idea. What kind of world are they going to grow up in…I have no idea.
My daughter turns 1 today and I’m scared too about this world and how it is to women. I believe girls can be everything they want to be. And I think you are doing a great job at it. I think as parents we are given so much advice and judged that we begin doubting ourselves. But we need to remember that nobody knows what’s best for our kids better than we do because we know our kids. You are doing great MG. Much love to you and your daughter ❤️
Congrats Nabanita. Love to her
I think we have to live in hope before fear for our children. We have to hope we give them the skills and the understanding to overcome the problems we face today. We have to empower our girls, teach our boys that equality is their fight too, it can only work if we work together. Your daughter sounds very smart and already wise, she will be a role model for others.
I love how you say here about equality is our boys fight too, that is so true!
Ahhh! Mac I so get this! I feel as if the world has gone mad this year, I am so relieved to be surrounded by people who are as outraged, scared and bewildered as me. The vote last week did set equality of all kinds back by many years. However, I have been bolstered by the fact that the younger generation both here and in the US seem to have voted differently that their grandparents, there is hope. Good luck to Aspen, I bet she loves High School and if she doesn’t, she will always have you to confide in. I still wish they didn’t have to go though.Thank you for hosting and have a lovely day xx
You are right we just have to hold hope for the next generation and hope that they fight for equality and find it xx
This is a beautiful post! There’s so much negativity around at the moment and the world can seem like a pretty scary place. I love how you are raising your daughter to be confident but still keep her empathy for others. Thank you for hosting! #MG
thank you xoxo
It’s amazing how hard we have to work to raise confident, brave and mighty girls, yet boys just get freely. Keep up what you are doing. We raise our littles to be mihty girls who can do anything their hearts and minds are set on, as long as they are kind and respectful. I hope parents of all feel that way, so we can have a better world. M’wah dear Mac! #mg #EatSleepBlogRT
thank you lovely, yes let’s raise mighty girls!
A very timely post, in light of the US election. I too have been contemplating questions of gender.
In my case, the blog post I linked up this week is about creating brands and marketing “wine for women” and “wine for men” – and why I feel genderising wine is wrong.
Thanks for the opportunity to link up!
Cheers,
Louise@WillungaWino.com
looking forward to reading your post in a few minutes!
It’s lovely that our blog posts connect with similar thoughts. What should we be saying to our girls? I am only asking this question as they are getting older and developing their own opinions and getting ready for the next stages in their lives. I suddenly feel this huge responsibility. But actually, you say it so clearly and simply: tell them that they are strong and smart and that they can achieve. By saying all these things and by being strong role models ourselves, they will be well equipped to deal with the inequalities, that clearly still exist. Alison x #mg
really appreciate your comments and your thoughts here, it is a big responsibility xo
I have a client at the moment who doesn’t like to deal with me because I am a woman. He emails my colleagues to ask them questions when he knows that I am the one handling the matter. It doesn’t get to me because I don’t let it – it’s his problem, not mine – but it still surprises me to see that there are still people like that in this world!
My daughter is much much younger than yours, so I have no advice. I will be teaching my daughter that men and women are equal. I am also trying to avoid gender stereotypes. Raising little people is a tough gig!
#mg
it is so true it is clearly his issue, how ridiculous though!
Hugs, Mac. Yep, the world is reeling over the presidency of the US.
No matter what, parents always have the responsibility to raise good kids. We will always be fraught with worry over our kids’ safety, good behavior, ability to survive, and managing themselves responsibly. Let’s not allow bad news to shroud our thinking.
Sending you love. be strong. Your daughter is gorgeous and make you proud of her. You know I love your Instagram feed. ❤️
thank you lovely, you make me feel better xx
This is SO beautiful Mac and as a Mummy of two girls something I think about often. I think raising our girls to be strong, opinionated and confident is so important so that when it comes to equality and any sexism that they face in the future, they will be strong enough to hold their own. If we can inspire, and empower, our girls while they are young, there is nothing in the world they cant do. #mg
Thanks Laura! Well said!
Hope ,perseverance kindness ,grave. We have to practice and yeah at the same time.As mothers who grew up with a lot of blessings and some challenges.We have to teach our daughters life skills
Thank you xx
In recent months I have realised how crap the world is becoming. It was once a world that was improving daily to progressing into something the next generation would be proud of but now it’s all gone to pot. I do worry for our children!
#marvmondays #anythinggoes
Back again from #dreamteam
Let’s hope we can make it brighter every day by being great role models
I always tell my boys that we are all created equally; we are not created the same but we are equal. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, everyone has their own beliefs, and everyone deserves to be respected.
Perfect!
I completely agree with all of this. It is so important to remind girls that they are more than a body – they can rule the world if they choose to! I think its equally important that we teach boys about equality, and make them see that treating girls like meat is not appropriate! #candidcuddles
Debbie
I agree Debbie, our girls and our boys deserve to live happily and equally
When it comes to advice everyone becomes an expert, they give you n number of tips, seldom used by them. There are also others who seem to be so nosey and intruding into your day to day parenting.
I feel as a parent it is your right to carry on with your style of parenting. Girl child or Boy -in this extremely small world, one needs to grow as a intelligent and mature adult, and our aim as a parent needs to be just that.
Thank you, so true
I am not yet there but yes, I believe in teaching self-love to our girls. We should love our self in any form.It makes us confident and ready to face the world. A nice thoughtful post MG.
I love what you say here, let’s teach our daughters and sons to love themselves and be confident in there ow skin
It has been hard trying to figure out how to raise boys in today’s society but I think I’ve been doing a pretty good job of teaching them that girls are equal to them. I teach them to respect others and to be mindful of others. Parenting always leaves us with questions on whether or not we are doing right by our kids but I think as long as we keep trying to do the right thing and teach our kids what we want to teach them, it will get through. Love the quote! #candidcuddles
Thanks Michelle, I am sure you are a great example to your boys xx
This is such a lovely post. It sounds like you have done an amazing job raising a smart, self-assured teenager. The world is a difficult place to live in and sadly, recent events have proven that misogyny is not only rife but acceptable. All we can do is keep trying to instill confidence in our kids so that they might live in a kinder, fairer world… #DreamTeam #MG
Thank you, it gives us hope that so many parents are working at raising children to be more respectful and kinder, let’s hope that it wins out x
I tell her she can do anything – that she is pretty, but also that she is funny and clever. When she says only girls like princesses I tell her boys can too. You do what you can.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts xx
Love this. I think we are all struggling with these issues right now, suddenly realizing that maybe the world is even worse than we had thought. Browsing around from #twinlytuesday. Have a good day MG
Thank you, yes it has been scary, but we need to keep hope
Such a beautiful post as always. I don’t know what I would say but I always tell both my children they can do anything if they put their minds to it, and to always be true to themselves x
#Mg
great advice
My children are too young to know what world they’ve been born into so for now we live in a bliss filled bubble of love. Thanks for hosting #mg
oh that sounds lovely, and luckily so much of the world is still so beautiful and there is kindness everywhere xx
Stopping by again from #CandidCuddles
Back again 🙂
Thanks for linking up to #AnythingGoes 🙂
Debbie
I want my daughter to have ambition and the confidence to succeed. It is interesting but my daughter like yours it would seem flourished later and over the last couple of years has grown in to a really confident young lady with a thirst for knowledge and a desire to make her mark. I encourage her to chase her dreams and support and guide her in that process as best I can. We cannot protect them from everything but we can make them strong enough to deal with what life throws at them. Great reflections as ever. #mg
It really is shocking to see how gender limits our kids choices in the world as they grow up and how pervasive it is to. I’ll try to show my boy strong female role models and how to see women as leaders, and hopefully he’ll see men as good carers too. #marmondays
I hope that when my daughter is growing in to a teen that we have taken more steps to bring about equality for women. For now I am pleased with the progress we have made, but there is still a long way to go #eatsleepblogrt
I absolutely agree. It is a scary world that we are living and raising our children in, but they are the future and the leaders of tomorrow so we have to help them develop the character, the confidence, the humility, the compassion, the love and the conviction that they are good enough, brave enough and worthy enough of a better world. Lovely post, thanks for sharing it on #MarvMondays. Emily
Sometimes it just feels like the toughest of jobs to teach them this when there are monsters and awful role models in abundance out there. Sounds like you’re on the right track and doing a great job. Thanks for joining us on #candidcuddles
It’s interesting how often girls are complimented about their looks as opposed to their brains and intelligence. We need more and more parents like you who talk to their daughters about being smart and being confident and achieving the best they can.
I am with you on this. As parents we have to be the ones to show by example that we need to be brave and that if we can make a change for the better, no matter how tiny, then it’s a step in the right direction. Thank you for sharing with the #DreamTeam xx
I think my children are a little to young to understand the concept of equality, however, we are big on teaching empathy which I hope will lead to understanding equality at a later stage. but I think leading by example is the best way to help our children understand. Thank you for sharing! #globalblogging
That is so hard, its crazy how kids just grow up all of a sudden and start realizing the world is not perfect. Your daughter sounds very intelligent and I think you are telling her the right things, that she can achieve anything she wants to achieve. While there is still some inequality (I’m hoping this Trump situation doesn’t make it worse), we have come a long way from not being able to vote or have a successful career. I truly hope your daughter is able to grow up in a safe environment where schools allow girls and boys to express themselves the way they do. Thanks so much for sharing with #GlobalBlogging!
A really beautiful post, and one as the mother of a daughter I couldn’t help be drawn to. I totally agree that our children need the time and space to bloom when they are ready. My nine year old is often extremely shy in social situations, but when she opens up she has the most incredible personality and so much to give. One day the world will see her in the way I do and then there will be no stopping her. Thank you so much for sharing this with us at #PostsFromTheHeart
I am bringing both of my children up with the ‘ you can be whatever you want to be ‘ mantra. My own parents are very quiet and reserved and dont understand my way if life or how i am bringing my children up to be free and make choices. I have very naturally out going children and i encourage this where my own parents think sitting back and not saying anything is the best way to live life. #PostsFromTheHeart
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