When we are bombarded with images of how we shouldn’t be selfish, is it any wonder so many of us burn out and end up struggling because if we say the ‘N’ word then we are selfish, self-indulgent or just plain rude!
Is it really wrong to sometimes do something for ourselves?
Am I a ‘yes’ person or do I lean more towards ‘no’? Does saying No mean I am selfish?
When it comes to doing things for friends or family I have always tended to say ‘yes’ more than ‘no’. I have always been the ‘friend’ that listens and cares, who will be there in the tough times to offer support and encouragement. I have a heart full of love to give, so when it comes to caring for others I would say I am a ‘yes person’.
It is funny though how we can offer love and guidance to others and yet lack the ability to treat ourselves with the same love and support. When I look back over my life I can see that the majority of times I have been a ‘no person’ to myself.
There is a mindfulness exercise where you offer loving kindness to others, you close you eyes and picture someone who brings a smile to your face every time you think of them, it can even be a pet
then you imagine sending them love, wishing them well. I find this easy, I often picture one of my children when I am doing this. Then you imagine sharing the love further, picturing friends, family, even people you have difficulty with, wishing them peace. Still I find this fairly easy. The problem I always found though was when it started asking me to wish this loving kindness to myself!
Why is it harder for me to wish kindness upon myself? Don’t I deserve love, peace, happiness and personal fulfilment? I have always struggled to care for myself the way I can care for others. So why is that?
I realised that it was because I felt that would be selfish, it made me feel like a ‘bad‘ or ‘self-centred‘ person if I indulged in saying ‘yes‘ to myself.
It was time for some serious self searching! What if selfish is not a ‘dirty word’?
What I realised during my journey was what people told me all the time, yet I wasn’t ready to hear it.
Click to Tweet: “If you don’t look after yourself, take a break, indulge in your passions then you can not give yourself fully to anyone or anything else”.
It is true, I was wrong to think I was being selfless by giving everything I had to everyone else. It was like a huge wake up call when I realised by ignoring my own passion for writing and creativity I was holding back a wonderful gift that I could share with those I love. I hadn’t even shared my writing with my husband, my parents, my children. I also didn’t see that the joy and fulfilment I received from writing would shine not only in me, but through me touching the lives of so many.
You begin to shine and that is infectious, others around you begin to shine too. Not only has my writing made my family happier (a happy mum means a happy home), but it has also touched the hearts of many people around the world! It is incredible that I can sit on my laptop in one part of the world and know that my words reach and help people on the other side of the world.
It is not selfish to do something for yourself when it can help so many.
Thanks for joining me, love Mackenzie xx
A must read! Why me?
My top posts this week Snow and Our weekend getaway
Let you inner light shine and you shall soar
6 comments
I absolutely believe in this lesson at the moment! All my life I was raised to be nice to everyone I met, to be helpful, to respect my elders, and never to be selfish. It is only during recent years that I realised how being selfish can actually save my sanity, restore my sense of purpose, and ultimately make me a better person in the wider world. Selfish is not a bad word. It is only the interpretation that has been skewed in our cultural beliefs. Let’s take back the good side of selfish!
Awe I love this comment, I was nodding along like yes, yes! We are raised to be ‘not selfish’, but we need to learn the difference between selfish to the point of hurting others, to selfish meaning we need to care for ourselves. We need to nurture ourselves to be the best we can be! Thanks Catherine xx
I love the distinction between wise selfish and foolish selfish. I like to distinguish between self care and selfish, if it’s something I need to do to be the best me for my family then it isn’t selfish.
Well said! Thanks for coming by and commenting!
I like that.. It is hard to differentiate sometimes. I hate saying no to people. Especially if I dont have a good reason and these days, needing time for myself and my family doesnt seem to be a good enough reason. I love your take on this 🙂
I so hear you. I have always been a ‘yes’ person until the last 2 years – specifically the last year – when I have started saying no. Many people haven’t taken it too well, but if I don’t look after myself I can’t be there for anyone else, and I get sick. I am my most important person these days (although I still forget temporarily).
Comments are closed.