Eyes that will no longer be closed.

He sat there behind his bedroom door, his tiny hands over his ears, his back up against the door. His heart was beating so fast that he wondered if it was possible to die from this feeling in his chest. Was he a bad boy? Did he make this happen? He wondered if he had just done something different that day if he could change what was happening now? His blue eyes looked up at the door knob, should he go out there? He knew mummy wouldn’t want him to. He knew daddy would be mad if he did. But still he wanted to go out there, he didn’t want to be a baby crying in his room, hiding his ears like it would somehow make daddy stop. If he couldn’t see it, couldn’t hear it then maybe it wasn’t real? But he knew better. He knew that pretending something didn’t exist, didn’t really make it so. He was too young to protect her, but he was old enough to know the truth. He felt helpless. He felt angry. He felt confused. 

As an adult he was no longer stripped of power, he had a voice, and he was determined to use it. He was never going to be that boy again, the boy with his ears covered and eyes that wouldn’t open to the truth. His eyes would no longer be closed when it came to what he now had the words for “Domestic Violence“.  He would grow up to be one of the men who now stand up and say ‘no’ to violence against women. One in four children are exposed to domestic violence, and that is ‘child abuse’.

“On the afternoon of 6 December 1989, a man walked into the École Polytechnique University in Montreal and massacred 14 of his female classmates. His actions traumatised a nation and brought the issue of violence against women to the forefront of our collective consciousness.

Two years later, a handful of men in Toronto decided they had a responsibility to speak out about and work to stop men’s violence against women.  As a result, the White Ribbon Campaign in Canada became an annual awareness-raising event, held between 25 November and 6 December.

In 1999, the United Nations General Assembly declared 25 November as the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women, with a white ribbon as its iconic symbol.

White Ribbon began in Australia in 2003 as part of UNIFEM (now UN Women).”    Source Whiteribbon.org.au

Today in Australia is White Ribbon Day

White Ribbon day is the beginning of a 16 day activism to stop violence against women. It is also the only national campaign led by males to stop violence against women. It gives men that chance to stand up and say that they will never be violent to a woman! It also gives men a chance to tell other men that it is NEVER ok to use violence of any form against women. I think that this is why it is so powerful. For too long many men considered it a sign of strength to dominate a woman and for other men to tell them that they are in fact weak and they are cowards for hurting another human being is such a powerful message. It is all about making violence against women a mans issue as well, so women don’t feel alone, so women don’t feel like ‘all men are the same’. It is important to know that all men do not condone violence, in fact most men don’t, women can go to a man for support and help. It is all to easy for women to begin to lose trust in all men especially if they grew up in a violent home and even more so if they then end up in abusive relationship as an adult. This campaign helps women feel supported by men rather than victimised.

If you have been a victim of violence don’t ever feel like you are alone, the statistics are terrifying. In Australia one women is killed by a violent partner every week. One in three women have had someone they know physically or sexually abuse them, and these are only the ones who report it. Women are stalked, abused at work, and domestic violence is one of the leading contributors to death, disability and illness in women. (These stats are from white ribbon.org.au).

Together we can make a difference. It is so easy to live in our bubble and believe this is not happening to a friend, a co worker, a family member, or the women you see on the train with a bruise every other week. But open your eyes and it is happening everywhere. It is not always so obvious, perpetrators often know how to groom their victims into keeping quiet, they know where to hit so that the bruises can be covered by clothing. Abuse can also be verbal and extremely demeaning. Often partners become controlling or use threats to keep their victims quiet. Shame is also one of the main reasons women keep quiet. There is a stigma that makes women feel like it is there fault or they deserve it. People ask “well why did she stay?” But they have no idea how trapped these women feel, these women are fighting for their safety daily, they are fighting and praying for their children, they are threatened that if they leave they will be killed, or their children will be killed. These women are warriors, they fight harder than you could ever know.

But the truth is they need our support. There is something you can do. Support causes like this one in whatever way you can. Whether it is buying a badge, a water bottle, a cap, or fundraising. But another huge thing we can do is teach our kids about respect. Teach them to respect their bodies, teach them how it is never OK to hit another person under any circumstance. (This is why I do not smack my children, I never want them to think that in one breath I can say I love them and yet say that they deserved a smack. I am not saying don’t discipline your children, but there are other ways.) Teach our sons that if a girl says NO or says she doesn’t like something that they must always stop. Teach our sons and daughters that they have the right to say NO to anything that feels uncomfortable. Teach them to love and admire their bodies. To nurture their bodies and know that they have control over who touches them. Model healthy behaviour and relationships around them. Respect yourself and they will learn to follow your lead.

If you suspect a close friend is being abused let them know that there are places they can go for help. If you are being abused yourself I strongly advise that you seek help and carefully get out of your situation. You deserve better, you can turn your life around. You are stronger than you even realise.

It is great to see men supporting women like this.

people getting together and supporting women’s right to feel safe in their world

Remember don’t judge until you have walked in someones shoes. Violence against anyone should never be tolerated.

Click to Tweet: We all have the right to feel safe! Eliminate Violence against women.

Thanks for joining me, love Mackenzie xx