Sometimes life in my head feels like a battlefield. There is at times a great divide between the emotional me and what I know intellectually. 

There are things I know to be true about myself because the ‘evidence is there‘ and intellectually I can not argue that! But my emotional brain wants so desperately to disagree, it wants to turn away from all logic, all hard evidence, and it wants to win the battle over intellect.

Growing up we develop core beliefs about ourselves and who we are. Perhaps we were always told we were the “good child” and so we grow up believing we are ‘good’, or that we have to always appear to be ‘good’ if we are going to be accepted and loved. On the other hand if we grow up being picked on and put down, or told we are not pretty enough, or we are too noisy then we grow up with this core belief that can take some serious work to break!

I spent a lot of my life believing things about myself because I felt them emotionally. I am a very emotional person, and I think more with my heart than my head. I wasn’t good at looking at things from a logical point of view or taking evidence and facts into account when making judgments about myself. There is nothing wrong with being an emotional person, or even leading with our hearts, but when what we believe emotionally is so different from what the actual truth is there becomes a problem.

For me it was about finding a way to believe I was worthy of good things, that I was smart, fun and that I had something to offer the people in my life. I had to find a way to push through those unhealthy core beliefs and start believing new things about myself.  To do that I had to bridge the gap between my intellect and my emotions.

My intellectual brain knew that I was intelligent, because if I looked at the evidence like school results, my university degree, and the things people were telling me, then I would have to know I was smart, yet I didn’t believe it, because unless your heart ‘gets it‘ then trust me you won’t believe it!

Again I knew intellectually that I was a kind, caring person, a good person, yet I felt unworthy of love and all the kind things people would say to me because I didn’t believe it with my heart. The evidence was there, I had loads of friends, a man who loved me, people, who always told me I was such a lovely person, but I didn’t feel it.

So where do you even begin if you want to change? Is it possible to change a belief you have had about yourself all your life? Absolutely it is! 

Sometimes we hang onto core beliefs because they are all we have known for so long, but we don’t need to! We can change, whether it’s at 21, 33 or 79, age doesn’t matter, the only barrier in your way is you!

It can be easy to just accept things the way they are, but the truth is you don’t have to. You are not defined by the things other  people have said about you, you are defined by what you tell yourself. People can say good things about you or bad things, but it is what you choose to believe that matters most. 

  • start by looking at and gathering evidence. Does what you say about yourself really match the facts?
  • be kind to yourself, at least once a day give yourself a compliment, even if it feels really strange.
  • smile at people and at yourself in the mirror. Smiling can be an instant mood changer for everyone.
  • book some counselling, having the right person to talk to can make the world of difference if your core beliefs are really affecting your quality of life.
  • keep a gratitude journal, use it to record at least one thing a day that you are grateful to yourself for. For example. “I am grateful to myself for going for a walk”. “I am grateful to my body for growing a baby inside of it”. “I am grateful that I took the time to stop and enjoy my coffee today”.
  • if someone compliments you take it, don’t dismiss it. Believe they are saying it because they mean it, not because they are just being polite. Try complimenting others too with genuine compliments this will help you become more comfortable with accepting them yourself and it will make you feel good too!

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Don’t expect change to happen quickly, be patient and kind to yourself. Remember you have spent years believing these things about yourself, so cut yourself some slack and take it one step and one day at a time. It is not a race or a competition, but it is the path to a happier life. 

Somedays my mind still feels like a battlefield, old patterns appear and I say negative things to myself, but then I stop and remember I am not that girl anymore who doubts herself, who puts herself down, I am the person who deserves happiness, who deserves self love and then I keep moving forward. You can too.

Love to hear your thoughts!

Thanks for joining me, love Mackenzie xx

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